Is it my job to cook for my husband as a SAHM?

As a sahm your a mom, taking care of the kid(s). It is not your job to cook for him and you shouldn't have to cook dinner every night, even for yourself and the kids.I get why you feel it is your job since you have other family there.
If you really want to keep making meals for him, pick three meals for him and make them on repeat. Even better if you can double it when you make it and he can do leftovers.

What did he do before when you worked? What will he expect once you go back to work?

Apparently, as a working mom, my job was still to cook for my husband because I didn’t and he told me I was a shitty wife and left me

Is he bored or you? Has he told you that? Then HE can find a recipe he would like to try and whether he ends up liking it or not, he can eat it like a grown man.
Won't eat anything not fresh or next day? Welp, here's some lunchmeat, cheese, and bread..and there's apples in the fridge. Seriously, that's pretty standard for kids who don't like the meal cooked, why does he get extra special?
He is a grown man, it is HIS job to make sure he his fed. DO NOT become his mom! He already sounds like he's got some growing up to do.
Ok, so if you really really want to play nice AND save your sanity.... Get a crock pot and find meals for it that he likes. Most of them can be prepped ahead and frozen and then just dump in the pot at some point during the day.

(pt1) Being a SAHM is already a curse. General public doesn’t believe you’re doing anything but “being with the kid(s) all day” and that narrative is so discouraging. I feel the same, I have a toddler and also expecting my second and my mil and man have the same mentality. However, being told by your husband, someone you rely on and love, that your “lazy and dramatic” shouldn’t just be laughed at, and you should let him know right away that it won’t be tolerated. It’s not just about your feelings, he has to respect you regardless of his opinion. Marriage is a 2 way partnership. If he works, yes he deserves some time but he also made those kids with you, and shouldn’t feel like he gets to come home and have everything done for him. It sounds like you’re also taking care of your nana and brother on top of that, regardless if they visit or live with you, and you should ask them for help too if they aren’t yet. If they are family, they will accept without / little judgement at the least.

I would make 1 meal. He can eat it or make something for himself.

You’re a stay at home mum. Your husband isn’t your child!

I’m on mat leave and when he works I take care of the baby and kids get their meals sorted uniforms clothes etc, when he gets off shift we work together to get the rest done.

This means when I go back to work it can continue as always and we share the tasks when we finish our work.

Also when I go back to work we are getting a housekeeper because I ain’t spending time cleaning instead of playing with my baby after her being in daycare 50 hours a week.

Every household is differenT🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️

Typically yeah it’s the job of a stay at home parent to deal with the household- cooking, cleaning, etc.- but give yourself some grace! Being pregnant is friggin hard and dealing with a toddler is insanely stressful! No i don’t think anyone would say you’re being lazy, you’re exhausted and overdoing it. His expectations just aren’t realistic atm and he needs to be understanding of your situation.

My partner cooked every meal as well as washing up which is his usual job when I was struggling in the first trimester. He also did more house work (and the house was messier because I was so tired with a toddler and nausea and everything else). I was working 3 days a week but those were the easy days!

My husband and I do it this way. I handle breakfast and lunch and he handles dinner. He doesn't always eat before work and I usually have to ask if he wants something but this works well for us. Plus he's the better cook. I'm learning recipes and stuff but we both usually make something healthy, quick and easy

Why is it lazy when you get a takeaway, but not when he does it?!

Honestly I would say the “jobs” of a SAHM should be agreed between both parents, but with definitely leeway because with the best will in the world, kids can be unpredictable. Like if a SAHP had one child, who is easy-going, has naps in the day, plays alone for periods of time, that set-up would allow the SAHP to get more done around the house. But if a SAHP has more than one kid, with different needs, maybe 1 or more who don’t nap, it’s obviously going to be harder to get things done when alone with the kids. So housework becomes more of a team effort.

I don’t think cooking for your husband is necessarily an unreasonable thing, if you’re cooking for kids/yourself/others anyway, but I wouldn’t say making different things for different people is achievable. I think your husband is being unreasonable to expect you to make a separate meal for him - he can eat what you provide, or he can sort himself out 🤷🏼‍♀️

So he works, presumably about 40 hours per week. Why should your job be any more than 40 hours per week. That's what you'd be working if they were in day care and you would presumably split all house work and cooking etc 50/50. So why is that any different while your work is in the house looking after your child. Plus if you were at work, your employer would have a duty to lighten your work load if it became too much while you are pregnant (at least if you are in the UK), your husband owes you the same. I have been a working mum and a stay at home mum, I have found being a stay at home mum while pregnant is harder than going to work. Currently I'm a SATM and pregnant, some days I cook, some days my husband cooks, sometimes we stuff that's easy to just put in the oven and others we get take aways. If my husband told me I was being lazy by not always cooking TWO separate meals every day I'd show him what lazy really looks like!

Before you got married did you both discuss kids, work, views etc. Because when you said he don’t help at all with your toddler that would annoy me. And the cooking stuff he shouldn’t make your life harder by being fussy or maybe he should try cooking and see the effort and time that goes on it. To be honest he got it easy time to stress him and act useless lol