My husband has gone cold, distant, and detached while pregnant

I’m 7 months pregnant and my husband is detached emotionally and physically. He says he doesn’t think our relationship is going to work out long-term. We’ve been together 10 years and are recently married.

He can barely look at me or touch me. We went from having sex nearly every day, multiple times a week, to absolutely nothing. He can’t even hug me or make eye contact with me. He says he’s contemplating our relationship. He says there is no one else he’s talking to or seeing but the main reason is that he’s bored and I don’t stimulate his mind (seems like a shitty excuse to contemplate leaving me and marriage especially now in my opinion). He thinks the baby may help patch this temporarily but doesn’t think we’ll last long-term.

I’ve noticed a pattern in him when life gets “real” or is in transition, he gets scared and questions our relationship. For example, when he started college he wanted to break up. When we were engaged, he thought about breaking up. Now that we’re married and having a baby, he is thinking about breaking up. I’ve been doing some research and think this may be “milestone anxiety” especially common for new dads and men getting married. This has made me better understand him, but it’s so hurtful and scary.

I feel so deeply lonely during my pregnancy. The only person I want to be loved by and comforted by doesn’t want me and I don’t know how to deal with this. Has anyone else experienced extreme detachment from their partner while pregnant? Do they snap out of it?

UPDATE 12/20: he cheated on me. He’s packing & leaving.

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If he is going to take her he has to change her and feed her real food. She’s constantly growing and fruit won’t even nourish grown adults. His lack of education on that is sad.

Im sorry to hear this dear, but I dont know if this is anxiety or if he is trying to really show you this red flag to know he dont want you hun. Beware of unsure men... they will lead you off a cliff and if you catch yourself before you drop they will leave you hanging babes... just save up your secret money stash and know your exit plan for you and baby.

Yea... im actually in a similar state hun similar story but i took last year to really grieve... itll take time but right now hes giving you funds ask for substantial amounts(say its for baby, etc) to squirrel away and still buy baby stuff but low priced things and make sure you look for apartments, gov assistance, and gather your village /team that will help you the most when baby comes... bc hanging in there threading lightly is not it hun. Also you can probably find a pro bono lawyer if HE mentions divorce 1st. Not for nothing, eventually all love will be lost, and you'll have to have a "fuck that guy, get on my grind" type mentality. They ARE NOT AFRAID to leave you high and dry, these men will look at you hanging off the cliff and ask you why are you there and why are you trying not to drop..they will ask stupid questions and its really a test for you to not react.the only way you wont react is if you have your plan set. the feeling of not knowing what to do after plan A fails really can shake a woman up

Oh since youre married id say hide the cash in a store bought safe with number pin access and hide the safe good. Do not open a new bank account to put it in as yet... or if you can have your parents hold it for you or put it in your parents house then ok.

Im so sorry your going through that right now now when you are such an emotionally vulnerable time and need extra reassurance. You deserve better.

In all honesty it sounds like he has anxiety and maybe depression. And his autopilot reaction is to flee or self reserve.

If he is willing to and you both have finances start therapy asap. Couples and both individuals.

My husband and I went through a local family therapist thats used Jourdan Virginias, Relationship Theory Model. It was amazing for us and helped us see what auto response we fall on when we feel vulnerable (fight, flight, freeze). It also taught us how to lean in to our relationships especially my husband when we feel the need to use our auto response.

Here is her old podcast she used to do for free for you to get an idea of how those responses and not leaning in affect relationships. https://open.spotify.com/show/0YZmYX5c6Um34uRjugsAWs?si=DAxuTgo3QHqs_Qu6RplvQg

I think therapy is the move, and creating a postnuptial agreement before u sign his name on the birth certificate. Does he want to be a father? If the answer is no then prepare to do it urself. That man is not serious enough for you and to keep urself happy u need to meet him where hes at not love or treat him better than he does you

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do