Anyone else get annoyed with the baby “gifts” they receive from their MIL?

Aside from the fact that a lot of it is pure garbage made in China or second hand things I would never buy, it really bothers me that she tries to purchase baby furniture or baby clothes specifically because “her kids had these things growing up”. Every clothing item has a message about fathers or aunts or grandmas (everything related to her side only) and I’m supposed to just dress my kid the way she wants and have zero involvement? She recently came over for Christmas and bought my son a really bad quality toddler chair - she said that my husband and his sister (my SIL) had “the same chair growing up”. It irritated me to no end because, firstly, I already had a much better quality chair that I wanted to buy my son but I was waiting on boxing week sales (which granted she was likely unaware of) but the thing that annoys me the most is her constantly saying “her kids had this or that” and then buying it for my kid without any consideration towards what his mother (me) might want or envision ESPECIALLY when it comes to things like furniture in our home. My husband rarely says anything about these gifts and just accepts everything with a smile on his face. Why would he be annoyed? She makes everything about him (or about herself really).

In case this sounds petty to you, I would like to add that there is A LOT of hostile history between her and I since I gave birth (and even prior to having my son, when my husband and I got married) to describe here. But let’s just say that she has repeatedly crossed boundaries, tried to delay our wedding numerous times, she makes it seem like my son only looks like her side of the family and I’m apparently insignificant, she constantly refers to my son as “her boy” after being asked by my husband not to say that because it bothers me (especially since she was accentuating it saying MY boy with a weird tone like accentuating the “MY”loudly)… she also turned my SIL against me so that now my SIL also calls my son “her boy, her little man, etc” on purpose to get under my skin, she turned my aunt in law against me by gossiping about me constantly, so now we have reached a point where we only see each other for holidays and she still manages to say or do something toxic every time.

That said, I do want to “pick my battles” here. Any advice or point of view is appreciated. (Part of the reason I started this post is because I still want to buy my son the chair I wanted for him, and also get rid of the one she bought, but if my husband gives push back, I would rather not lie and tell the truth, which is what I said in this post basically about my feelings towards her behaviour and “gift buying”. We don’t have a lot of space to have two chairs if anyone makes that suggestion).

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Google “grey rock method” and use it on her.

Before your child’s birthday/Christmas time, make sure you tell her in no uncertain terms that you don’t need any clothes or furniture. You can give her a list of things that would be ideal or mention whatever your child is into, but be sure to say that if you do receive unwanted furniture/clothes that they’ll be going straight to the charity shop the following day. And then do it as she will definitely test your boundary.

Don’t give her any reaction if she kicks off. Just reiterate she was warned what would happen and if she wants to waste her money that’s up to her.

Also stop worrying about SIL or any other relatives who don’t like you. Ignore them, they’ve chosen their side, leave them be.

Would also like to mention that my husband hates conflict and although he has supported me on some things in the past, when it comes to gifts, he thinks it’s nice to just accept everything. And to be fair, it probably is the nice thing to do (no different than a friend buying you a gift you don’t like for example). But what he doesn’t see is that this is a symptom of a much larger issue where she undermines me as a mother and tries to insert herself into our lives, control the narrative and make herself the centre of the universe, which doesn’t sit well with me. It’s not just the unwanted gifts. For example, she has never bought a box of diapers and the few times she asked me what diapers he wears, I was very specific about the suitable brands (my son has dermatitis and breaks out in a rash if he wears certain kinds)… she still bought the ones she wasn’t supposed to. My husband just accepted it and then we gave them away… but like common lady! You know better.

And I just hate that she tries to tie her “gifts” into things SHE likes, or items that HER kids used to have. Buying a set of golf clubs because she thinks my son should play golf for example. Um.. we will decide what sports he will play that we can first of all afford and are close to our home not hers. Buying this chair because “her kids had the same one”. Buying him 30 pairs of shoes that don’t even fit and talking about how she loves shoes and my son probably has a shoe fetish like her… (right, a toddler! lol).. the list goes on and on.

Ha. My MIL keeps buying my son soccer stuff “so his uncle (BIL) can teach him soccer!”
I’m like uh. “He just got married and I’m sure want to have babies of his own to teach soccer. Plus I played softball. We plan to do t ball if he wants”
Her response, “well I like soccer more”
👏🏻 cool story.

I have a similar issue. My MIL doesn’t ask me or my husband what my kids need and buy whatever she wants. I told my husband that I don’t like it. He says that we can just accept and put away if we don’t want to use it but it’s not about that. I won’t let her trying to be a “mother” for my kids. She’s so annoying! And we have a lot history behind.
This year I could be free and I spend the holidays just us we didn’t saw her was so peaceful… although my FIL was upset but like I said to my husband we can’t let our kids meet their expectations also he’s a grown man he can deal with by himself.
Gets on my nerves!!

my mother in law gave us baskets, clothes, hand me downs, pictures, their old furniture, lots of stuff that I never used or threw away. they basically used our house as a dumping ground. I stopped letting her and told my husband we’re not accepting anything. i think she got the message when I wasn’t using the stuff. lol

I would be honest here and just tell your husband you think the chair is ugly, literally just chuck it and get the one you like … tell him you want the house looking cute and it’s her fault for it being chucked as she didn’t run buying furniture by you (which should always be the choice of the house owners , but more importantly you since most males aren’t the styling type) if you only see her on holidays then it’s going to be a long time since she comes back over right? I would just tell her the chair broke and you got one that “complemented the space better “ hint hint - I’ve done this twice now with furniture my MIL has bought and we sold it on marketplace and she could see lol but they simply dont buy it anymore when you don’t treat it like the “best gift ever” literally just sell it or op shop it and your husband should go on with whatever you want to do , it’s not that deep it’s just a chair!

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?