Post partum dad
I have a 2 month old. A few weeks ago my husband crashed out because he didn't feel like he was getting to bond with her. I started exclusively breastfeeding around that time and honestly didnt see the big deal. Baby and I left for a few days and when we got back home, everything was fine. He was extremely hands-on. He helped with my meals, her bedtime, bath, stories.....for a few weeks it was great. Then he randomly sounds depressed af. He says our lo is better off without him, he wants to sleep all day , he asks me not to watch tv then tried playing a video game. He refused to reply to me when i asked any follow-up questions. Then he woke up our baby trying to race me to the bathroom first thing in the morning . He's doing a weird mix of crying, trying, and giving up. Im starting to feel like I cant handle him not being able to handle life with baby and just want to be alone. Are there resources for men?
Primary Caretaker Resentment
I am the primary caretaker for my daughter, my partner and I live together & are engaged but I knew it would be this way as he works long hours. I’m struggling with not feeling resentment towards him when I’m responsible for 90% of stuff.
I adjusted my hours so one of us could be home with her some of the time (previously we both worked full time, I’m now part time), I do 5/7 bedtime routines a week, I feed her every meal & I plan her meals. Even though he knows what she eats, he always insists on asking me what to buy, he says it’s because I’m home so it’s what I’m happy to make but he knows it annoys me, he knows how long stuff takes to make, I just ask for quicker meals on the days I wfh.
He also shows no interest in her birthday, her first easter. etc. He says I’m the better planner but I told him it doesn’t come naturally to me & I wish he would show some interest in her first holidays.
I feel like I think about our daughter 24/7 & he thinks about her maybe one day as week.
For context: He works 9am - 11pm roughly Wed-Sun. My Mum has her on a Monday & I am off Tuesday afternoon so he only has her alone Tuesday morning.
He can be very helpful & clean the kitchen or sterilise bottles after work but we have gone through phases where he grumbles about this.
He’s always thinking of things to help me but they hardly ever involve him taking actions, I’m relying on my family a lot which is hard for me.
I feel as though it would barely be different if I was a single mother but I don’t know what I expect him to do given his working hours, it’s just hard to not get annoyed.