"Divide & Conquer"
We had some friends over last night, and I was talking to one of the other moms who also has 2 kids and whose husband works with mine, about how they are able to do bath night for their little ones every night -- because for us, that's just impossible. She told me that she and her spouse "divide and conquer" so that both kiddos get baths every single night.
Both our husbands are away traveling for work sometimes, so she handles bathing them herself when he's gone, but when hers comes home, there is a difference. They share parenting responsibilities.
My husband has rarely done that. Not for me / our relationship, and not for the sake of our kids. There have been moments where he's stepped up because of my job, but it feels like most else of what he's done is minimal.
How did I wind up living like this? How do I decide when I'm done waiting for him to show up (I've tried asking, and I'm so tired of the disappointments)? How do I know if "staying together for the kids" isn't good for us overall (I don't like that this is their family model)?
I just can't stop thinking about what she said and wondering how our lives can look so similar and yet feel so different....
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
I am sorry for you. I understand fully since I am in the exact same situation. I envy those couples that divide and conquer... We were supposed to do that as a team and it is far from it. My husband works evenings (till early morning) so never wakes up before noon and is working from 2pm, so obviously does not parent! He works 4 days in 4 days out, and it is the same thing when he is off. Worst, he has now 12 days leave and it does not change anything! I really feel like it would be easier without him (and I am working too) but I want to stay with him 'for the kids' too. My little ones are only 4 years old and 11 months old... Any time I try to talk about it with him, he gets angry and makes it my fault.
Anyway, I get how these couples' lives are so different yes. I feel jealous, don't you?
I am sorry, I don't have any good advice to give, but just want to let you know that you are not alone. Good luck and let me know if you feel like chatting. Letting it out can help
It sounds like you’re also grieving the partnership you thought you’d have. I can see why that conversation stayed with you. Sometimes it’s not that another family’s life is easier—it’s that we get a glimpse of what’s possible and realize how much we’ve been carrying alone.
As for staying together for the kids, I think it’s worth asking not just what they gain from having both parents at home, but what they’re learning about partnership from the relationship they see every day.
You don’t have to figure it all out right now. But I can understand why this conversation brought up so much.
Trending
in our community
Sour patch kid
How are we dealing with our Sour Patch Sons? My 2 yr old knows how to push all my buttons and I am getting to my wits end. He is tall for his age so he is able to get into everything. A lot of things in our house is locked up but I feel i shouldn't have to lock every cabinet, drawer, closest. I have a 2 month old and the toddler likes to get into things while I am feeding. I almost feel like I need to lock the toddler up. Also the toddler is acting out and when he does he does something bad he then acts all cute and kind. Or he knows he does something bad and just laughs when i get upset. He also tells me he is scared when he doesn't want to do something like go to bed, to the potty, eat dinner. Any suggestions are appreciated.
3
8
Men are lame
Do recently I joined two different Bible studies and I try to work on them throughout the week especially when my fiance is homeso he could sit with her if shes fussy and stuff like that yesterday i tried doing that maybe 5 minutes in he walks into the living room and says “shes being fussy and i donr know why
So i go in the room and change her diaper then go back to the living room maybe a minute later he comes back out and lays the baby down and says he has to go to the bathroom maybe half an hour later he comes back out of the bathroom and at this point ive givenup on doing my bible study work he walks right past me not even trying to take the baby back a little while later I tried to have a conversation with him and basically say lole how can i eventually go back to school or anything like that if when your home you cant even waych her for an hour so i can do a bible study he told me he doesn’t wanna spend his fays off watching a baby and he wants to do things he likes on his days off what do i do
6
Job change now I have 2 children. Currently a childrens social worker
I am a children's social worker so 36 hours full time 9-5. Background has always been kids ( sen worker in schools, teaching assistant, higher teacher assistant in an sen school, family support worker in social care SEN and now my current role as a children's social worker.
However now I have 2 kids 1 2.5yrs and a 2 week old. I want to just utilise the 30 hours funded childcare.
Unsure what jobs to go into. I have a lots of suggestions from AI but now overwhelmed because there's so many options.
Can anyone think of good roles to support my my kids doing term time hours at a nursery.
Somethings I was thinking of maternity support worker- 8pm-8am I was in hospital for a few days so got talking to staff who are parents and do this job because it allows them to do pick up and drop off without issues. I was thinking a school social worker ( hard to get) discharge social worker at a hospital ( never see these advertised though) im thinking something like a hospital because its 24 hours so can be flexible with shift pattern i think! Anyway any suggestions are welcome.
9
Nursery Christmas presents
If you work in childcare - a teacher / nursery practitioner. What Christmas gift you genuinely want?
I don’t want to buy my sons nursery baby staff a box of chocolate
Ideas please
4
PEPPA PIG WORLD
Has anyone been to Peppa Pig World / poultons park on their own with a toddler before? I want to take my 2 year old (25 months) but his Dad doesn't have any annual leave left, and it seems quite expensive to ask grandparents to come along.
Also, would you take a buggy? I fear having to chase after my toddler with a buggy in tow would be a pain, so thinking not?
3
Am I lazy? Am I a shitty wife?
Am I being lazy? I’m 23 weeks pregnant… cooking isn’t my favorite thing anymore I’m always just wanting to be in bed. I work from 4:30pm to 12:30am and get home after 1am. I end up going to sleep around 2-3am after showering and trying to force myself to sleep.
My husband has been complaining I rather buy food out than cook when I truly have no energy to cook. He said plenty of woman get up to make sure their husband has a meal to come home too. But I just don’t have the energy!
I used to wake up in the mornings (before this job) and make him breakfast and have lunch ready for him packed up at 5:30am for him to take to work. I stopped. Again just trying to get rest in. Idk how to find the energy or if I’m just making this up in my head. Definitely starting to make me feel like a shitty wife.
Also I did complain about dishes. Sunday night I cleaned the whole house, did All laundry folded, and cleaned the kitchen but left dishes in the sink thinking he would see how I did everything I just needed him to wash those dishes. He claimed I cooked made a mess and didn’t wash the dishes I used… you would think if I cooked he would meet me half way instead I’m being blamed.
How do yall do it?
2
4
Download the Peanut App
