How do you know when to leave? (long post)

My daughter's dad and I have been having more and more issues. Sometimes when I think about it, I wonder what I should do. I stay home with our daughter while I am trying to find a job that pays enough for her care and to help with bills. So at the moment I rely on him financially. But some of the things he does and says lately have been making me think this isn't healthy and we either need to split up or maybe try therapy for our daughter. He doesn't show love unless its for sex, he will grope and rub against me thinking its a turn on ( its not). He expects so much of me but doesn't appreciate anything I do. He barely takes care of our daughter, he has maybe changed 15 diapers in her two years of life. Lately I just feel like a maid or servant. In his mind the world revolves around him and only him. He is the most important thing around. So he things. If I try to talk to him about something that bothers me he calls me emotional and says a really fake sounding sorry. He doesn't ever seem to care if he makes me upset. If I get angry he starts laughing and pokes at me to get me angrier. He acts like I am here to serve him and that's it. He has anger problems, he can go from 0 to 100 in 5 seconds. Never physically violent but sometimes a little verbally to me. We have some really good weeks and even months but then we will have a horrible few days and it makes me question everything.

Sorry for the ramble but I know other people have been in this situation and I just want others advice and thoughts. My daughter loves her father and the idea of having to share custody makes me physically ill. I can't imagine being away from my child. I would love to work through it. But I don't know if something like therapy would help.

in our community

Holidays and boundaries!

How did you guys make boundaries between your little families and both yours and your partners families? My husband and I both have divorced families and holidays have always been extremely difficult/busy because of it. Now that our little one is here and coming up on her first “big holiday” Easter I’ve got families pulling us in both directions. It would be so much easier if my baby could engage in the holiday as she’s only 7weeks old😂 if she was older we could do and start our own traditions here at home but since she’s so little everyone expects us to come to them still. Background context my husband and I have been together total 4 years married 1 1/2 so this is still very new for us.

I don’t know how to respond

i am going through a divorce and child custody battle and my ex texted me this after saying he doesn’t want our son to be with me for this summer. i don’t know how to respond to this

“Depending what is done between the time we have planned our sons birthday. You are more than welcome to come down here for it and me and my girlfriend have talked. If you come down you’re you can stay in his room with him so hotel fees won’t be needed. We will feed you. We’re doing this so you can be there for him”

Due baby no2 any day but toddler won't stay overnight at grandparents 🥲

It's stressing me out a bit, because we are due our 2nd baby any day now.

Our son used to love staying at his grandparents house overnight when he was maybe about 1 - 1.5 years old. But then my FIL got quite unwell so he hasn't stayed overnight for about a year. Tonight we thought we'd do a little sleepover to see how he'd feel about it now he's nearly 3, knowing it's a bit different since he has more awareness that his dad and I aren't there etc.

He absolutely hated it.

We told them bedtime is 7pm, my MIL called us at 7:15pm and my son was just balling his eyes out saying he wanted to come home. It broke my heart.

We only live less than 5 mins round the road so we went over to see if we could calm him down but he just clung to me as soon as we walked through the door and begged to come home. I felt so guilty.

He absolutely adores his grandparents and loves being at their house, he's there 3 or 4 times a week usually, so part of me thought he'd really enjoy a sleepover but I know its a big ask at his age.

I'm now just really worried that I go into labour and he won't be happy staying there for a night or 2.

He had everything the same, we brought all his own bedding up, his light projector, his noise machine, everything was as much the same as we could've possibly made it.

If I had to go to the hospital during the night then my in-laws would just come round to our house and probably nap on the sofa until morning and then take him back to their house. But otherwise he'd likely have to go stay with them as we don't have a spare room for them to stay at our house.

We're really lucky to have them around to look after him, I'm just so stressed about it now and worried that I'll be worrying about him whilst giving birth! 🥲

Argh I think I just had to vent about it because I'm already feeling so much mum guilt about him not being an only child anymore and all the big changes that are happening, I just didn't think this would be such a big hurdle. I felt so guilty feeling the relief in his little body when I cuddled him in his own bed and he fell asleep instantly. I know it'll hopefully only be for 1 night during labour (after that his daddy could come home if need be), but I just feel so guilty and sad about it!

We said we'd maybe try again in a few days but I don't want him to start hating visiting his grandparents out of fear his dad and I are leaving him the whole night 😬😔

Guilt

My baby just wouldn’t settle. It had been an hour. I’m completely exhausted and I lost it and shouted. He was so upset and scared afterwards and I feel so guilty and disgusted with myself. He’s in bed with me now which is what I’ve been trying to avoid as it makes me so anxious that I’ll hurt him in my sleep but he needs the comfort so now I’m going to be awake all night. I just feel like I don’t deserve him now I shouldn’t have lost it but nothing was working. I’m on my own as my partner works away all week. 😢

Managing frustration

Hi everyone, I’m not sure exactly what I am trying to get out of this but lately I feel so frustrated with being SAHM. I don’t know if it’s because my MIL was her for 10 days and I had been planning my 1 year olds birthday party before that and now I am getting ready for my dad to come for a week. I love my baby so much but sometimes I feel drained to play with her, then I get in my head that I am a bad mom and I should be doing more. I try not to put the television on but it gets too quiet, so I put some music or a show. I have tried earphone but I think it makes overstimulated when I am focusing on baby girl and whatever audiobook I am listening to. It also doesn’t help that she is teething and has been waking up more in the middle of the night and short naps and just fussy in general. My partner helps but he has been taking care of getting the lawn and gardens ready for spring so it makes getting away for a couple hours on the weekend. Not to mention I also have guilt about it. Again I’m not sure what I wanted to get out of this. Maybe someone can help me work through or some advice? Maybe I am overstimulated? How do I work through it?

im hurting sm and i can sometimes be too in my head, idk

So today, my boyfriend watched my baby for almost three hours while I got my lashes done. I never did something like that and im 5m pp, so it was a big deal, but I appreciated it so much. Then he worked all day, like, from 3 to maybe 8. And when he came in the room, I said let's cuddle tonight (he’s been so distant and admitted it and knows its hurting me, so i straight up said it in a fun way to initiate even tho i’d want him to) and he's just always really high, but he said okay. First we ate dinner, and he hardly touched or kissed me or anything. He didnt really compliment my lashes either besides making a comment on how much they were.

And then we were upstairs, and I said I wanted to cuddle, in a playful way, and I sat on him, and he pulled me off of him and was, saying to lay next to him and not on top of him, but, like, I don't know, like, I felt kind of rejected and then I said that, and then nothing changed. he doesnt touch my butt or anything much anymore. And then our baby fell asleep in his arms, and I told him to put her in the bassinet, and he said no, because she'll wake up. And so he fell asleep cuddling her, and now I'm downstairs alone, and I just feels like, our connection is gone on his end and not mine. like i wasnt even dropping hints or testing him i was initiating closeness for him to brush it off.

It's all weird now and he gets really high too, but, he used to be hands all over me and I even said it to him today, I miss that, and then he like awkwardly put his hands on me. Like, I miss the guy who loved me, and I wanna say all this. But it pushes him away more please thoughts