How do you know when to leave? (long post)

My daughter's dad and I have been having more and more issues. Sometimes when I think about it, I wonder what I should do. I stay home with our daughter while I am trying to find a job that pays enough for her care and to help with bills. So at the moment I rely on him financially. But some of the things he does and says lately have been making me think this isn't healthy and we either need to split up or maybe try therapy for our daughter. He doesn't show love unless its for sex, he will grope and rub against me thinking its a turn on ( its not). He expects so much of me but doesn't appreciate anything I do. He barely takes care of our daughter, he has maybe changed 15 diapers in her two years of life. Lately I just feel like a maid or servant. In his mind the world revolves around him and only him. He is the most important thing around. So he things. If I try to talk to him about something that bothers me he calls me emotional and says a really fake sounding sorry. He doesn't ever seem to care if he makes me upset. If I get angry he starts laughing and pokes at me to get me angrier. He acts like I am here to serve him and that's it. He has anger problems, he can go from 0 to 100 in 5 seconds. Never physically violent but sometimes a little verbally to me. We have some really good weeks and even months but then we will have a horrible few days and it makes me question everything.

Sorry for the ramble but I know other people have been in this situation and I just want others advice and thoughts. My daughter loves her father and the idea of having to share custody makes me physically ill. I can't imagine being away from my child. I would love to work through it. But I don't know if something like therapy would help.

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hey, so reading up on this post about your baby dad sparked some red flags that I want to point out.
Number one the fact that you even asked me this question shows that you're not being appreciated enough and that's enough reason to leave a relationship.
Number two when you said things are really great for a little while and then very bad. That type of dynamic is extremely toxic and abusive people will do that in order to keep you hooked. If things were bad all the time you would have no reason to stay.
Number three. You mentioned how he barely even helps you with the baby and I'm guessing around the house as well. If you're already doing everything alone and what does he even bring to the table besides a paycheck?

No man, who loves you would ever make you question your worth. I think from the things you have said, that you should 100% leave this man.
And this is coming from someone who left the man I was so in love with while pregnant with his baby because I was being mistreated 🩷

Honestly I see a lot of my situation in your situation. Right now my son is near 5 months of age and the father and I have been going through a lot. Just like you said we can share a lot of good moments but it’s the bad ones that make the whole relationship feel sour. I’ve experienced a lot with him and secretly I’m at the point where I want to leave.
So to answer your question I feel like you know it’s time to leave when you begin to think “should I leave?”
And I know that’s not easy, I still struggle with it myself because just like you I’m financially dependent on my BD. But to be honest I can’t see myself sticking around longer than I need to. He’s disrespectful and careless towards me when he’s angry. It makes me feel unsafe and makes him look unreliable. I don’t want my son to grow up seeing this. Hell, I even struggle with the idea of coparenting because as much as I want him to have a relationship with his dad, I can’t see past the disrespect he’s shown me.

Reading this sounds exactly how I have felt at times , the good then the bad , feeling like a maid all of it!
I do believe every relationship has issues that need to be worked on but the question is where is the line ?
Only you know in your heart if you can stay or go , I have stayed as we have just bought a house and we do have so many happy times too and I love our little family , therapy could be a great option if he is willing because having that middle man while you have conversations could mean any toxic behaviour is pointed out to him not by you but by someone else then he won’t feel “attacked” by you personally.
I think these days people are too quick to leave relationships and marriages that’s why our generation isn’t as successful with it because our grandparents would have probably stuck it out (obviously only if it’s not abusive)
sounds like you want to try sort it out, maybe give yourself a timeline for it to get better if you feel the same in 6 months then reconsider x

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