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Marriage Help

Husband is my only friend

Hi, this may be slightly long because I’m known to waffle so apologies in advance!!

Does anyone else feel like their husband/spouse is their only friend?

Before meeting my husband I had so many friends, busy doing fun things with the gals etc. I fully know when you get into a new relationship you tend to spend less time with your friends, but you find the balance. Everything was great, he saw his friends and I saw mine.

Slowly, as the relationship progressed, my friends seemed to disappear. I’d make the effort to keep in touch/plan meets ups (all while having two children and a full on job). I recognised when I started to become distant and would reach back out, and try to rekindle friendships. I’m very much a “we’re all adults with lives, I don’t need to talk to you every day to know we’re still friends”.

Since getting married, I’ve gone from a handful of friends to none. It feels like unless I reach out first, I will never hear from them again. Some friends are also in marriages, but others live a different life to me eg no children, single etc and on my part I have no issue with that and understand we’re in different chapters but that’s okay.

It’s my birthday tomorrow and no one has asked if I’d like to do anything. My husband planned childcare and planned to take me out. But now he’s unwell, so have cancelled. It’s just hit me that I literally have no one other than my husband. I’m the type of friend that goes all out, I plan friends birthdays, baby showers, celebrate their wins. Maybe I’m doing too much and my expectations are too high because I know that’s what I’d do for someone else. So when no one does it for me, I’m left disappointed and that’s a me issue, not a them issue.

I love my husband with all my heart, but I’m starting to envy him. He has a life, he still sees his friends while I’m either at work or looking after the children. And it’s not because he wouldn’t “let” me or anything like that. He’s constantly encouraging me to go out whilst he stays home with the children. It simply is that unless I go and do something alone, I just don’t have anyone to do anything with.

I’m not sure what the point of this post is, other than another birthday is here and I’m sat just crying about the fact that I can’t wait until it’s over.

I love being a mum, and I love being a wife… but I wish there was a version of me that wasn’t just that.