Bday question. Daddy travels for work for 2 months at a time, comes back to 2 months then goes for 2 months….

My toddler misses him like crazy. We talk about it all the time. I have the calendar countdown that we tick off every morning. We do video calls and msgs. I have a daddy and toddler photo book. So trying to manage it as best as i can. With the current schedule daddy will miss his 3 year bday. But will be there a month after. I’m not sure how to handle it. I don’t think we have a 3 year party on his actual bday because he will b missing daddy so we have one when dad is back. But what do I do on his actual bday?

in our community

Bad parent 🤷‍♀️

So my 4yr old didn’t want to eat her dinner so I stopped her from going trick or treating. Now her dad’s pissed at me because she was so excited about going. I’m sorry but I’m not rewarding her with sweets when she’s refusing to eat her dinner. Then my mum said you could have still taken her but taken the sweet off her until she eats her dinner. No thanks I’m not dealing with tantrums after tantrums.

I feel like I’m falling apart - partner doesn’t seem to want to help. This is a long one…

I’m ftm with baby girl who’s 9 weeks, I’m 23 and my partner is 25, we haven’t been together very long like I found out I was pregnant only months into our relationship. We moved in together when I was about 36 weeks pregnant and ever since then I’ve just felt like his mother - it’s like he is incapable of doing anything. And I should’ve seen this coming because the way he lived in his rental before he moved into my apartment was honestly disgraceful it was so disgusting. I do his washing, I’m constantly picking up after him, I’m the only one who cleans EVER, I cook for him etc and he just doesn’t seem to care or want to help. I know he realises what a burden it is on me, I also have two cats which I’ve had for years and years and sometimes I need help with them when I have my hands full with the baby but he just doesn’t care at all. Not to even mention the baby, now that he’s back at work full time he doesn’t do anything to help with baby girl, I breastfeed but give her a bottle of formula before bed (I pump) so that she sleeps a little longer so I stay sane. He used to sort of help out in the early days but now he’s always “too tired” even though he soundly sleeps for 6/7 hrs a night while I’m up pumping while trying to feed her, doing all the nappy changes, soothing her etc. I ask him to take her once every night so I can shower and clean the kitchen after dinner, I speed do everything but he just shoves a dummy in her mouth and scrolls reels - she cries the whole time. I don’t think I’ve had a hot drink or meal since the hospital. I’m at my wits end (if you can’t tell) and honestly my life would be easier if he wasn’t living with me. I have come to resent him so much, and, I know this post is getting long and rambly, but I’m not even close to finished with everything 😔 He also pressures me for sex almost every night and grabs me when I’m clearly busy holding the baby and doing stuff like washing or dishes, it really irritates me and I’ve told him I’m not ready to have sex, not that I even want to AT ALL. But he keeps on pushing. He also drinks every single night and then spends all night snoring and waking baby girl up. I honestly can’t do it anymore I feel like taking the baby and my two cats and leaving like I’d rather sleep in my car with them at this point. He also smokes weed every night and before baby girl was born I told him he can’t live here with me if he’s smoking and I’ve tried to kick him out for it/gotten angry and upset but he doesn’t care at all he continues to do it and go out drinking and smoking with his mates when he knows I’m at home alone struggling to keep my house running and in order with a baby who’s extremely attached to me (because she’s never spent quality time with her father presumably). Do I just kick him out/end the relationship? I do still have love for him and I remember the days before I was pregnant with him where we loved eachother so so much. Maybe it’s too far gone now and it’s not fixable. The issue is I’ve voiced all of this with him and he just doesn’t change.

Betrayal

I have been married over 7 years, been with my partner over 10 years. We have everything, a beautiful daughter who is 8 months old, two dogs, big house, land. We get along great, don’t fight. We are a great team.

When I was 3 months post partum his brother and sister in law hadn’t come to visit our daughter. I thought it was odd since we would them and their two kids monthly. I try very hard with them to be around and apart of their lives. However they stopped talking to us. I reached out to her a few times but finally she told me the reason.

She said my husband 10 years ago would send her photos of himself. Like ask her if she were curious of him. She told him yes, she was.Tell her nice butt, send inappropriate messages- you get it. Ok so this happen a couple times a year…for FIVE years. Like he needed a boost of validation or felt insecure so he sent something to her? And she would give it to him. I had no idea. I did get weird vibes around her. I thought she laughed way to hard at him, looked at him too long ya know? Anyways I’m so upset she told and he didn’t…he said he was so embarrassed it even happened and he tried to tell me but would get scared. He came from an abusive family/lot of insecurity problems. I honestly don’t think she is very attractive not trying to be mean I am just not jealous of her…like yes I am post partum and not the most physically attractive I have ever been I just have more to offer than that, I feel very good about myself. He said he wasn’t physically attracted to her, he just got attention from her.

Anyways I love my husband. We are no longer going to see his brother and sister in law, not very difficult since his brother doesn’t have anything to do with the rest of my husbands family. Just wondering your thoughts. Is this forgivable? Obviously I am hurt. My daughter at the time I found out was 3 months old I had way too much on my plate to deal with him crying at me about how he is so sorry and didn’t realize it was cheating…he hadn’t done this in over five years. He started seeing a therapist to work on himself. He listens to pod casts and self help audio books. I love him and thought we had such a great thing. I don’t want to give that all up but wtf that was his brothers wife. It’s like he pretended she was someone else. Cuz he wouldn’t act weird around her. I never got that vibe from him.

MIL Bonding Time

MIL wants more one on one time with our 6 month old. Let her watch him while I worked from home and she brought over a latex balloon for him to play with (fought me on that when I asked her to not let him play with it), found her belt in the playpen and popsicle stick contraption with a dumdum lollipop attached on our kitchen counter.

Do I trust her to watch him unsupervised? 🤔

Halloween

Its my baby's first halloween and I feel sooooo guilty, I haven't dressed him up no trick or treating, nothing. I just feel like there is no point as he isn't even 1 yet, but now he is asleep in bed, I feel as though I ahould have taken at least a photo of him in some type of costume. All I can think is what if he asks me in the future what we done and honestly, we done fuck all for it. He was in bed by 6, no sweet treats, no decorations, nothing. Am I bad for doing this to him? I really just don't see the point as he cant even say anything other then mama and dada. How do I get past this guilt

In laws, what would you do

Met with my in laws a couple of weeks ago and prior to this I messaged my mil politely asking for her not to share any photos of my son on her Facebook. This is because she has blocked me and also has no privacy settings so anyone could see them. A couple of days after it emerged she had posted photos so I messaged again asking for them to be deleted. Nothing changed so my husband then messaged her. She then tried arguing against our reasons why and still hasn’t deleted them. I’ve now messaged a 3rd time which has been ignored. She is being so disrespectful to us and the boundaries we are setting for our children. She fell out with me earlier in the year and sent the most awful messages about me to my husband and then directly to me too. I don’t really want anything more to do with them but have no choice so her behaving like this just isn’t helping the situation at all. It’s so rude she’s ignoring my messages and I don’t understand why she can’t delete the photos and respect what both of us are asking. I don’t know what we do to get her to take them down