I think my partners boundaries are too strict…
My partner has a difficult relationship with his family, I think his parents are lovely people but I can see where he gets frustrated with them. They are far from perfect but I think they mean well.
His older brother still lives at home and unfortunately has a habit of using weed and coke. He’ll smoke outside but do coke in his room and obviously drugs are kept there too.
The parents know this but have not tried to help him or get the drugs out the house. The brother has no intention of moving out either.
Because of this, my partner feels strongly that our child should never enter that house. The child would never be in the same room as the drugs but my partner feels that on principle, we should never take the baby there.
While I do not agree with his brother’s habit and the safety of my baby is the most important thing, I think he may be being too harsh.
I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving there baby there without one of us but surely never going over is a bit far. I’m worried it would ruin the relationship between our families.
Of course his parents would be welcome at our house so it’s not like access is being denied, just not in their home.
Is my partner being too harsh or am I not concerned enough?
I think my partner is just using the baby not coming over as a threat to get his parents to do something about the drugs.
Husband is turning incredibly misogynistic
My husband was always so supportive and believed in women, but now he’s hanging out some new coworkers who watch a lot of these YouTubers with problematic views. He’s starting to really buy into what they say, and a lot of them are incredibly misogynistic. It started with offhanded comments about how women are always the problem, and leave it to a woman to fuck things up, which would start fights between us because I was so taken aback. As we fight more, he pushes more into these beliefs. We’ve always shared things like chores and parenting, but now it’s falling 100% on me because he believes they are “woman jobs” and I can’t keep up with the extra house work on top of my job. If I ask him to watch the kids for even 30 minutes, he calls it “babysitting,” and he makes it sound like that 30 minutes is the end of the world, where now I have my mom filling in for his portions that I can’t take on. He mocks my friends and says horrible things about them based on female stereotypes, that aren’t even true, and I have repeatedly put him in his place about this. I’ve also expressed to him that I’m loosing faith in his ability to be a part of our family when we are raising 4 little girls with bright futures, and I don’t want them to hear these comments that essentially resort women to objects. He’s constantly asking for a one sided open relationship, because these YouTubers preach that men aren’t meant to stay loyal, and it’s just their nature or something. His actual friends, who he’s known way longer than these new friends, have also distanced themselves because of his comments about their wives/girlfriends, but he blames me for the distance and says it’s because he gave me too much control in our relationship so they can’t respect him as a man.
Today he wanted to go to the bar with these coworkers after work, but the place they always go is closed. This bar is a 100% female ran bar, and they are closed today because the owner sent them all out of town for a professional development opportunity. My boyfriend was pissed and flipped out about how women ruined his day, and said if they wanted to send someone they could’ve just sent one, but he just knows they all whined and cried that they wanted to go too, like a typical woman. He then got very performative with a fake whining voice that frankly PISSED me off. I’ve never backed down when he acts like this, but he continues to buy into these believes.I told him these new “friends” of his and their influence are about to cost him his family, but he just scoffs. I told him I’m tired of the misogyny, and he can go stay with one of them tonight and see how much better life is without any women in it. I told him he doesn’t need yo ask for an open relationship now, because ours is over, and I hope he has fun sleeping around because it cost him everything we’ve spent the last ten years building together. He says I’m just being a typical dramatic woman, and that I need to just learn my place. He says it’s his fault for not learning to put me in my place sooner. Planning to contact a divorce lawyer this weekend, once I’ve cooled off from being so angry. But emotionally, I’m not okay. I feel like this man is a stranger.
