why do men do this?

Why is it that men will treat you badly, disrespect you, belittle you, and the moment you try to leave they want to be together. I’m 37 weeks and so done with my bf. I don’t want the relationship anymore and haven’t for a while. I have lost feelings for him and he just annoys me now. But he doesn’t want to break up

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

I would just end it it’s not up to him to decide it’s your choice

They are testing your boundaries to see what you are willing to accept and also how low your self-esteem and self-respect is. They know if you take them back now, you’ll take them back once they cheat on you, steal from you, quit their jobs and use you for money and in a lot of cases, use you as a punchbag too.

Also because for 99.9% of men when in a relationship they get free sex, a cook, a maid, free childcare, a place to live - why would they want to give that up? They will fight tooth and nail and lie through their teeth that they’ve changed - just to make sure their bangmaid doesn’t leave them.

Who cares what he wants. If you as the other party in this relationship has said it’s done, then it’s done. He doesn’t get to say otherwise. He can throw a tantrum all he wants. Just make sure you/he move out and arrange any visitations via the courts.

It doesn't matter if he isn't accepting it. If you actually want to leave then do it.

It's all to test your boundaries and gain control again. It will get good for a couple weeks until you soften and step down from your "threat" to leave and then they get comfortable and ease back to their normal. They aren't fighting for you they are fighting for the comfort you provide. Currently starting the divorce process after years of dealing with this. If they don't make the change the first time or two you ask the it doesn't truly change ever

It’s not his choice it’s yours… run

You should definitely leave!

Very easy for me to say it but if you feel like this now just leave as soon as you can. I felt the exact same and he is still here 😭 I wish I would’ve got rid of him back then! X

in our community

Line or indent?

So me and my partner have started trying for another baby, I came off the pill around the 25th September, but I took a test today because something was just telling me to, I took 2 with the same urine in a cup but got I think different results? The bottom test is the one I took first, the top is once that I took about 10 minutes later as I was a bit shocked (picture in comments)😂 what do you think?

It’s not fair❤️‍🩹

So I recently found out that my child’s father has been actively sleeping with different women during my pregnancy and as well trying to talk to me, get me to support him help him in the same breath. And that he actively communicates and possibly sleeps with one of the women that I work with. I do not want to take maternity pictures with him. I don’t want him to sit by me at the baby shower and I feel like that’s not a problem it’s very hard to explain the pain that I’m going through. Two days after we broke up I found out I was pregnant and in that process he has sex with someone else and it was the girl that I work with. I don’t know how strong I am at this point, but I guess I’m finding out. This hurts because people asked me at one point in time did I believe in having a family and is that why I kept supporting him. And the answer is yes. But now due to the circumstances. I want nothing to do with him.

Should I stay or?

So me and my fiancé have been together a year and a half and I’m 8 months pregnant. For the last few months my fiancé has been intrested in his computer/games and online friends. When I say this I mean I ask him for a cuddle around 8pm and don’t get one until about 1am, I have to beg for his attention. We have loans for Christmas time and the start of summer and I’m the only one repaying it for us even though he has half of the loan. (I pay £50 every Monday to repay the loan). He was given a course and did the whole course by the job centre and now has decided he doesn’t want to work and want to live on benefits for the rest of his life but I don’t want that (not that there’s anything wrong with living on benefits) but while all he does all day is play on his game otp with his friends on discord I’m doing online courses to get my qualifications to work my dream job. We no longer see eye to eye on what we want and I try to explain how I feel to him but he doesn’t listen. I love him so much but I don’t know if I can give up the life I want for him since he isn’t willing to compromise. Please tell me what I should do.

Birth plan?

I’m a first time mum and have no idea what to put on my birth plan. All I have so far is that my birth partners are my fiancé and mother. Any advice? I’m 33+4

MIL Advice

I’ve been with my partner for 6 years. We had a rough time around a year in due to his mental health, but he is doing so well now and we’re stronger than ever!
There have been a few things that his mum has said, and now I don’t want to see her or spend time with her alone. I just wanted everyone’s thoughts.
The first thing was when we got the mortgage. My partner received an inheritance, but I put in the exact same amount towards the deposit because I helped him pay off his car, which removed a bill before we applied for the mortgage. She told him we shouldn’t have gone 50/50 because of this, giving him more financial security.
I moved on from it as I thought, she just wants the best for her son.

We planned this pregnancy and have saved over £10,000 for financial security. The majority of the savings are from me as I have a higher income. I do not mind this, as I’ll be taking a full year off work, and him contributing means a lot because it allows me to.

We have since gotten along well, including her messaging me decor ideas and gardening tips.

When we told her I was pregnant, she cried. I knew it was because she wasn’t happy, but my partner wanted to hope that she was just processing. Still, she congratulated us.

A few weeks later, she told him she was worried he was going to be ‘trapped’ and end up paying ‘child maintenance.’
He stood up for me and told her this was way out of line.
She apologised and said it wasn’t her intention, and that she was just worried about his mental health. For context, at the beginning of the year he was extremely low; this was all as a result of his employer treating him awfully. He has a new job and is THRIVING, back to my weird, happy, and hyperactive partner.
She said she made those comments because she was worried about his mental health and the pressure on our relationship. Despite the fact that I was the one here.. every day supporting him and getting him through it, whilst she called him once or twice a week to check in. She ended up staying at ours for a week so he wasn’t alone which I was grateful for. But she only experience a week of it, I got him through almost 3 months until he started his new job.

The comments felt very personal because I grew up on a council estate and in an abusive household and she knows that. In my opinion, if that’s what she was worried about, that’s what she should have said. But given everything I have done to support him, the comments aren’t justified in my opinion.

She then blamed her upbringing and how her life has been so hard, including the divorce from his dad. She’s very negative about his dad and refuses to see him, even though it would mean missing her own daughter’s wedding.

My partner still talks to her, and I don’t expect him to stop. She has not sent me a single message—not even an apology—since. It’s been weeks.

My stance is that I will go to family gatherings if she is there, but I will not make any trips to see her or stay at her house like we used to. She can see the baby as much as she likes, but I don’t want to see or speak to her unless I have to. She doesn’t even know if she’s going to hold the baby, as she’s also said she doesn’t like babies. I won’t let her impact my daughter.

My partner understands and won’t push it, but I still feel bad.

For me, because I grew up abused, I’m not willing to be treated or spoken about like that. Had she apologised, I could have moved on, but she’s made no contact with me since.

Am I being unreasonable?

Prenatal vitamins

With there being so many options on the market now, I wondered which ones you all have tried and liked.