Is it unfair of me to not let my child go to his father’s house alone?
So I am 8 weeks postpartum with my first child. My child’s father and I broke up around 3-5 days after he was born, we were only together for about 11 months. I tried my entire pregnancy to get closer to him and his family but was always met with pushback. After we broke up I tried to talk about how I felt, he told me he didn’t want to talk anymore and only wanted to speak about the baby.
A week and two days after my son was born I was rushed to the hospital for losing too much blood. I had a D&C and stayed in the hospital for two days. During the night after I came to in the hospital, he had been texting the whole day asking how the baby was doing. I can’t remember exactly what the conversation was but I remember saying I would let him know something after I got discharged in the morning. He proceeded to get upset that I didn’t let him know I was in the hospital and wanted to come take the baby. My family was with me in the hospital and he told me to only talk about the baby so I didn’t feel the need to let him know (also almost died lol). After this he started coming to see the baby for about 80 minutes each week, mostly being on his phone while holding the sleeping baby. His family came and saw us in the hospital when I gave birth for about 10 minutes. (They came, picked up the baby, huddled in a circle, took a photo of the grandfather with the baby then left) we saw his family three days after I told him to go home. There was a tense conversation that happened and that was how i learned we were broken up. His mother had to say it lol there was never a proper conversation between the two of us. He had also been caught in a lie by me but then lied to my face when I confronted him. Later her brought those things up and said he knew what he was doing.
Recently we have been discussing when the baby can see his parents. He asked if i would let our two month old go over there alone. Baby is exclusively breastfeeding and most used to me of course. I am not trying to keep the baby away from them but I feel like they have an issue with me. My thinking is if you don’t like the mom by proxy you will treat the child unfairly especially if I am not there. Also not willing to combo feed cause he is already sensitive to things I eat. I don’t feel comfortable with leaving him there alone until he starts speaking. I do not trust his father.
Thanks for reading I just needed to get that out and look for some advice.
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
Your Mother instincts are working wonderfully! You know best! Now don't allow anyone to take that crown off!!
Happy to have a chat privately with you.
This is so valid. I wouldn’t let baby go over alone until much older and you feel comfortable. Start with supervised public visits until you feel comfortable with his family then can go to supervised private visits.
Maybe after 7 months I’d consider it. He don’t sound dangerous or abusive so that’s good. But alone time maybe after 7 months. Babies go to daycare around 3-4 months so 3-4 months isn’t bad either.
Btw,Is he on the birth certificate?
Yeah I’d wait until at leasttttt 6 months old or however old you plan to ebf for, my ex was the same except he was abusive and I was scared to say no so I ruined my chances with breastfeeding because of them :(
But I pulled the plug because his mother was demanding over nights when he was 3 months old. Girl be ffr 🙄 but yeah he made his mum do all the communication 😐 mature much.
Do what you’re comfortable with!!
Mother knows best!!
To be on the safe side is he on the birth certificate? And go and giveyoursel rights to your baby (I learned just bc you are the parent of th child doesn’t automatically give you rights)
If baby is ebf and you don’t want to combo feed don’t let anyone steer you differently.
I can chat privately…it’s a lot more info
Go with your mother instincts!
Download the Peanut App
