3.5yrs still not potty trained

Having major issues, with both poo and wee accidents. Wee accidents seem to be genuine (FOMO mostly we think) but the poo ones are because she denies it and holds it in, then can’t hold it in any longer.

We have been trying since August last year (when she turned three) and she is due to start school this September.

We have tried everything and she was making good progress but then we went on holiday and we’re back to square one again. It’s not every day, but it’s probably 5 days out of 7 and we’re running out of ideas.

We’re trying not to stress her out or make a big deal out of it or make her feel bad etc, but we are really running out of ideas on how to make progress.

I think there might be some neurodiversity aspects to it (she is also very fussy on food, always sorting and ordering colours and toys, her Dad is confirmed ADHD, I’ve never been diagnosed, but my sister is AuDHD as is my Dad, so I wonder if this is a factor.

Any ideas or encouragement welcome, we are really at our wits end with it and don’t know what to do 😭

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I have no words of wisdom but we are in the exact same boat how you've described everything sounds identical to what we're going through he won't tell me when he needs to go so unless I drag him and set alarms he just wees himself also he still poops in his pants even after I've taken him to the loo 2 seconds before I've ran out of ideas too tried star charts sweets bribes he just won't tell us so I've put him back in nappies and going to try again in a week don't know what else to do

If its a sensory issue then finding out her sensory need is important. If she is verbal and able to communicate with you then try to ask her about why she doesnt like it, asking if anything scares her. Is therr a certain place she goes to poop or a certain time? Try to see what makes her feel safe to poop. You could also offer distraction or a particular toy that she can only use on the toilet like bubbles or a certain song to listen to. My friend offers her little girl rewards with a star chart. She gets a star for the following; poops in the toilet, wiping, flushing, washing hands. Potty training is hard. You are doing great! 🥰

I would highly recommend visiting the ERIC.org.uk website or contacting them to have a chat about the issues you’re facing with your LO.

I think this is still really common, I have had people say it’s taken a year before completely toilet trained.

My son is trained but has accidents like you say FOMO, and he’ll go I NEED A POO and there’s a poo print in his undies so it’s not like he’s had the feeling and went he went to have a poo and went nope need to go to the toilet.

I am ADHD and there’s a sneaking suspicion that he is, he didn’t like the stickers as he would scream he didn’t want stickers, he didn’t want any reward, so we just stuck to routine, before we leave the house and when we arrived anywhere and before he has food he had to go to the toilet, and before bath as we felt like the warm water made him want to poo. I heavily believe this was the saving grace for him to understand the toilet situation. Also we bought the child adapted toilet seat don’t know if that made any difference.

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Mother in law rang me at half 4 this afternoon, asking do I know I’m taking my son up to theirs tomorrow morning before I go to work and then picking him up after work? I say no I know nothing of this?? Turns out my useless partner (who after today I am questioning do I even want to be with him) didn’t bother to tell me that apparently his mum had said all along that she didn’t want to come to our house to baby sit and it would be happening at theirs, the main reason is that father in law doesn’t know how to work our tv and wants to be able to watch his own tv in his own house, she wants to be able to drink her own coffee from her own coffee cups??? And she wants to be able to do the washing??? (Put the clothes in the washer and press a button) they have nothing up there apart from a few basic baby toys, they don’t have nappies, changing mat, nappy bags, nappy cream, clothes, milk, bottles, bibs, basically everything they have at mine they don’t have at theirs. Less than 24 hours I was told this was the plan. I have crippling post partum anxiety and my partner knows this. I have been having therapy for this and it took a LOT for me to accept that I would be going back to work and leaving him, all be it for only 4 hours a day but to me that feels like 4 years, it took a LOT for me to accept that the in laws will be babysitting but it made me feel better that it would be at my own house. (My parents can’t babysit as they are working, in laws are retired and so this was supposed to be the plan) now I feel physically sick knowing that tomorrow morning I don’t have a clue what I’m supposed to do! I don’t want my son going to their house they don’t even have baby gates, and I’m not filled with joy that for 4 hours the tv will be on and she will be watching the washing machine or whatever, instead of solely focusing their full attention on my son, his routine at home would literally be, bottle, food, nap, walk, play and then I return home.
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