How would you handle this?

Hi mamas. I’m in my late 30s and have been married for 14 years and have 3 children. My husband is a good husband and father but i feel like he puts his friends before his family. His boss is his friend (they have been friends for many years) and he will stay over at work until late in the night every certain day chilling with him and a few other friends.This has created a cycle where every weekend we wont talk as i would get upset and i tend to keep quiet when i’m upset.To keep the peace,I’ve let it go even though it just doesn’t feel right as i’m sure every wife would like their husband to come home to them especially at the end of a long week. We have 3 kids and i do everything on my own so i look forward to having him home.Problem is he is now starting to come home later like early hours of the morning. These guys don’t drink and smoke etc and i trust my husband but i just feel like it is disrespectful especially knowing that i have a problem with it and he continues to do it? He says they aern’t doing anything wrong. Just eating out or playing Playstation. I’ve had to learn to put up with it because whenever i communicate how i feel about it he ends up having a tantrum.These guys will then chill together again the next day in the weekend. We can be out with the family and this friend can call to check where he is and if he is going to chill with them.So here i am asking if this normal? Do your husbands spend this much time with their friends as well? Is this what is going on out there?Do i need to just relax and get over it? I have no one to speak to and my husband has no reason to not want to come home after work so i am so confused. Thank you for listening to my vent.❤️

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Giving each other space (two ways) to relax and unwind with friends is normal and healthy, but it sounds like this has tipped over into him doing it without your consent and you feeling abandoned. Hubby and I will ask her if it’s okay if we’d like an evening to go and see a friend etc and at the moment it’s only a few times a month.

It sounds like your hobby is either misunderstanding or deflecting. From what you said, he seems to be saying we aren’t doing anything inappropriate when we’re together therefore it is okay, but what you are saying is it’s not about what he’s doing there it’s that he’s not at home with you.

I wonder if he could take a week off and look after all three kids and then you get to gallivant about wherever you like so he starts to build some empathy for your position?

I told mine that I will treat him how he treats me so if I was you on the weekend when you’re being quiet and not talking, leave the kids with him and you go and do your own thing and you stay out till the wee hours of the morning and come home let him know I wasn’t doing anything wrong so it must be OK and then I would do it every weekend until he started to come home at a decent hour and I would tell him I will treat you the way you treat me. I did that once to mine and he has completely changed his manners since cause after I did it and he was upset. I told him now how stupid does that sound? How stupid does that look? Talking about it is always great at first but sometimes we’ve gotta do like they taught us in school when we were kids treat others the way you wanna be treated

Firstly, you said that "he's a good father and husband." Then you went on to say you have 3 children and you do everything on your own. Please explain to me how that's being a good husband and father?

Also, he's not being a good husband by not listening to how this is making you feel, like some else said its healthy to have time with your friends but it has to work both ways, do you do anything for yourself? Are there times when he looks after the kids alone whislt You have a day to yourself?

All my partner wants to do is get home after a long day at work to see his family, somethings not right here with the way your husbands acting, he's been very immature and I wouldn't put up with this behaviour.

Both me and my partner have time with our friends or rocked ourselves, but we 100% communicate it in advance, and my partner is so respectful in that regards because he know how muxh time I spend with the children as I'm a SAHM

Also, how old are you children, and how long has this been going on for?

Are the friends he hangs out childless? It sounds like they are because surely no other women would put up with this BS

in our community

Seen a lot of in law posts recently

Why are in laws so difficult? Yet my parents dont cause any bother to my partner!

Am I out of order?

So my fiancee says he can’t take 2 hours out of his evening to watch the kids (so I can work) as he still gets work calls and stuff I accepted this (he’s self employed)
But I’ve noticed he will tell his colleagues and clients he’s not available and he won’t take calls whilst he’s watching online church (this is the same time I would have been working)
This has me pretty pissed off if I’m being honest, I love that he’s tuned into church but it feels like he’s picking work and church over spending time with his kids

Not to mention we are not in the best financial situation atm we do get UC but it just covers bills and debts so if I could get an evening job it would deffo help and ease my anxiety of how I’ll do the food shop and stuff like that
I’m not willing to put my kids in nursery as hear too many abuse stories these days but I don’t think it’s too much to ask to play with your own kids for a couple hours in the evening
(My job from before pregnancy was willing to give me flexible working 2 hours a day every day 6-8pm, I would have still been able to cook dinner and put the kids to bed, the only jobs I can get now are wfh evening roles to do after I’ve put the kids to bed which you can imagine are hard to find)

Please tell me I’m valid for feeling salty about this

Mother in laws

I’m really sorry for this long post but I just cannot cope any longer. I’m so done trying to be nice to this woman, I just physically cannot have a relationship with her, she infuriates me so much with her snide comments.

Today I took her to my little boys nursery because she’s been banging on how she doesn’t get time with him. She has such a problem with him going to nursery she can’t get her head round why he needs to go. She turned round to me a few weeks ago and said “you prefer to pay a stranger to look after my grandson over me who’s his family” for context he goes to nursery because that was mine and my partners choice whilst we’re at work, he only goes 3 days a week but he absolutely loves it and all the staff comment on how lovely he is, plus we feel it’s important for him to learn social skills and he’s got some lovely little friends, he’s going to be 2 next month.
My “MIL” works full time still so when exactly would she like me to make time for her to see him when whenever we try to see her she always makes excuses up that she’s busy. And also it is not my job to make sure she has a relationship with him it’s hers.

Anyway we got to the nursery and she’s going to be picking him up every other Monday because she kicked off. I went to the front reception and introduced her as my MIL and she went “not yet I’m not!” As if I’d offended her. So me and my partner are getting married in 3 weeks, I really don’t think it’s necessary for her to say that in front of me and those that don’t know her. Plus what else would you like me to call you then?

She’s always accusing me of taking my son away from her and not wanting her in his life, which is completely untrue. She calls him a “gannet (which means greedy) piggy a fat nacker” which I’m sure is a joke but my partner was called all those nick names growing up and it has scarred him, he has such body issue now as an adult. So I don’t want that around my child.

What annoys me is that in the moment even though I’m boiling about comments she’s said, something in me stops me from biting back. And I need to learn to overcome that because I can’t keep feeling like this.

Anyone else got a mother in law they just cannot stand or can never please, I need some tips because I’m so so struggling to cope. 😢

Advice on how to deal with my best friend?

She’s on a very low wage, and keeps saying she wants a new job and wants to better herself, so I send her jobs with training opportunities, and she gets excited and applies for them, but gets nowhere because she uses AI for the applications, despite it explicitly saying they won’t accept them. She doesn’t even edit the AI output, just copy and pastes it. I don’t understand why she keeps doing this, it just seems to be a waste of her time.

I send her jobs with that require travelling up to an hour to get to work, but she won’t do it and will only apply for jobs that are walking distance from her house, which I feel is unrealistic.

With men, she’s miserable and only chooses men who use her as a sex doll and gets upset by this. She’s not stupid, but for some reason over looks clear signs she’s being disrespected or used. She so beautiful and lovely as a person, so caring, but no man takes her seriously. Her current boyfriend is in prison and will be for the next 4 years at least, even he doesn’t treat her right or make any effort despite being locked up all day with no one to talk to. I’m not understanding why she puts herself in this position because these men make her feel really low about herself.

Drugs, she is a recreational user but has recently begun having seizures as a consequence. She had a few episodes recently where she’s woken up covered in blood after biting her tongue during what appears to be a seizure, but won’t stop and won’t go to the doctors.

She sent me a voice message a few days ago and sounds so low, she recently was rejected from another job, her prison boyfriend seems to have ghosted her and her life just seems to be spiralling. I’ve reached out but she hasn’t responded, and I don’t know how to support her or why she can’t get her life together. We’ve both had trauma in our lives and struggled as result, but for some reason, we going in opposite directions and I feel like I’m losing her and I’m going to get a call one day that’s she’s died.

Any advice on deal with a person like this. TIA

Anyone who works a 9 to 5 with their child in childcare do you get enough time as a family together? How does this work??

Considering you are home around 6-7pm then you make dinner and go to bed then repeat you basically only get your days off if you and your partner share the same days together as a family

School and SEND

I know this post may be controversial but I'm looking for open discussion not arguments please. This is not meant to criticise.

I seen this today on FB and as a teacher (over 20 years) I have taught children with varying SEN needs over the years. Some have needed different planning and resources, some 1:1 support, some part in school, part in PRUs.

However, there has been a rise in SEN diagnosis over the years and alongside this huge cuts to support - meaning sometimes you will have numerous pupils who have different needs that clash. In one tiny classroom. Often with little to no support.

I'm curious as to what people think would be the answer(s) ? Obviously, you can't say that every SEN child would be better off in a specialist school as that simply isn't true.

I see many parents of SEN children (influencers on FB) saying school is just not fit for purpose and teachers need to adapt their classroom and teaching for their child. Which is true, and every parents needs to advocate for their child, but with 1 teacher to 30+ children, no lesson or teaching style or technique is ever going to be perfect for all of those every single time. You can do your best to follow the EHCP and implement. So what would you change to ensure inclusion?

Would it be to reduce class sizes? Overhaul the curriculum?
Remove testing?
Flexible timetable?
More adult support (TAs)
More specialist support (e.g learning mentors, child psychologists)
Train teachers more - often we have done a couple of days worth of training on specific needs - if that. Also, I find a lot of the training is about the need , not how to support the child in real life situations like the post details here

I don't know if people know the reality of what schools are like in the UK now. Teachers have been trying to fight these cuts for year and the media just pits us against parents telling them strikes are about pay.

And now some children (and parents) are at more than crisis point because they're not getting the support they need.