Single mom debate…

Hey guys, not sure if this is the right group to be posting this on, but I figured I’d give it a shot.

I’m really unhappy with my partner. We’ve been in a toxic relationship since before I’ve had our child and we tried therapy and to make things work out together but it truly seems like we’re just not compatible.

I have an opportunity to come across a large sum of money from school through a grant program I’m in the process of getting approved and the chances I get this money would be life changing. I’m on food stamps, WIC, and government health insurance. I have lots of bills and collections coming after me and it’s just been tough. I’ve been struggling to find work since my daughter refuses bottles and has a bit of separation anxiety since her and I haven’t spent any time apart from one another.

I’m not trying to make excuses for myself, but I have not been working because I cannot find anything remote to help myself out—but if I get this money I can get my own place, afford groceries, diapers, baby clothes etc. all by myself, it would genuinely change my life. Recently my partner had quit his job and is pouring all of his time and effort and money into AI tools & working on websites for other people’s businesses. Making other people money by spending ours and stressing out that I’m not making any money. I understand and respect that he wants to have his own business but we cannot pay rent or afford to live. Last month he spent all of my SNAPbenefits on the most expensive groceries that barely lasted us 2 weeks. He’s been asking me to open a credit card but I don’t have the money or does he for us to be able to pay it off. When I told him I didn’t want to ruin my credit, he got upset. He’s been on my ass about getting financial aid money, that if I do receive my money (that he was pushing for me to get my own car) now he’s pushing so that I can fix his car and insure his vehicle.

I cannot ask him to help with our daughter either. He’s too busy with Claude code and AI bots to sort files and code for other people that when I ask him to help do anything with her besides play he will get visibly upset and frustrated. Today was the last straw for me I think—our daughter was crying, having a hard time before bed is her usual thing for the first 2 hours before she gets put down she’s always in a mood. He said he was starving and needed food and kept asking me to cook for him I politely asked if he could help me with her so I could make dinner and that was a huge mistake because how dare I interrupt his work…

Anyways. This post is not about him or our shitty relationship. It’s kinda about me and my future.

I’ve never been the type of person to need someone to feel good about myself but I’m genuinely so scared about planning these moves to leave in secret. Once I do get on my own and have a good life for myself and my baby girl, I won’t have time for anything else. Although a man or partner does not define me, I am afraid of being alone. And I’m very insecure. I feel as if nobody will be attracted to me, or love me or even like me. I guess the relationship I’ve been in has really negatively affected me and I feel as if I’m just a used up person.

After going through a miscarriage, an extremely difficult pregnancy after and an emergency c-section due to hospital negligence the last thing I need is to think about another partner. But how do I stop thinking about myself as waste? I know single moms are so strong and have so much value but I don’t understand why I can’t view myself that way. Maybe I just sound dumb and need some reassurance… or therapy. Either way, does anyone have any thoughts on this?

I’m just afraid to get this money and not leave. But if I leave I’m afraid to be alone. I don’t have anyone to ask. I’m only 23 so I know this is my immature thinking bur I’m really trying to be rational because the only thing that matters is my daughter and unfortunately my emotions are all over the place.

in our community

I DONT like it

I’ll start by saying …I don’t care for sex ! It’s cool or whatever but I could go the rest of my life not having sex and I’d be cool! I enjoy pleasing myself but it’s all mid to me ! I’ve been this way since I was a teenager …it’s not for me! With that being said my husband and I have known eachother since grade school, we dated in college, had A LOT of sex for years, now have 9 kids and despite popular belief we don’t do it often! We’ve struggled a bit and dealt with homelessness for a great deal of our grown up relationship and even in our own home it was always something. My husband developed a gambling problem after we had our 3rd child and it’s just been down hill since then, that was in 2017! I say that to say ontop of it not being a care for me …life absolutely got in the way and turned me off! The person he became turned me off and I don’t know how to explain this to him without being cruel. He is overly sexual and could and wants to do something sexual everyday and all day! He says it’s how he feels connected to me. Makes him feel wanted and when I don’t give it to him he feels rejected! I take all the blame because I know that I deprive him him more than normal but at the same time he should understand why, whether that’s my personal reasons or him turning me off. He truly is my bestfriend. -A lot of women get the raw end of the deal and I don’t feel like I have. He goes to work, he’s the one that cooks, he’s a great dad day to day & would give me the world! He used to give understanding because he’s know I don’t care for sex but now it’s an active argument in our marriage. I don’t know what to do. I tell him if he would step up as a man it might make me wanna to have sex but instead he feels like I should just give it to him! Suck his d*ck cause he had a bad day! Am I wrong ? I’ve never worried about him cheating honestly that’s never been a thing between us but now he’s like “I need a gf” “you keep saying you don’t like it but gave it to this guy and that guy why not me.” Etc I dont want to give in but tired of this being a thing! Sometimes I find myself thinking “can this just be over” and the sex is good, I just don’t want to!

MIL wants regular contact and once a week just my son and her

hey girlies! i wondered if anyone has been in a similar or is in a similar position to me.

i do not get along with MIL at all, when i was pregnant she made a lot of possessive remarks about my son and i brushed them off as during this time we were quite close but as soon as i gave birth to my son she started becoming way too much which broke the relationship between us.

she’d always make me feel like i wasn’t doing anything right when it came to my son, she also would take my son and say “you’ll love me more than your mum” just remarks that were madd to say to a mother who is postpartum.

there’s a whole lot more but we’d be here for days if i listed everything this woman said and did to me.

luckily we moved away (we were initially
living with her) but now she keeps begging my man to have my son once a week and i really don’t want my son around her especially one on one.

with how she acted when we was living with her and the things she’s said to me and behind my back i don’t trust her with my son. even though he’s too young to understand what she’s saying the thought of her sprouting negativity about me or playing mum with my son makes me feel uncomfortable.

i’ve managed to play the im breastfeeding so he can’t be away from me card but my man is starting to get persistent which is leading to arguments.

he knows how i feel about his mum and he knows all the things she’s said to me during the period we lived with her but he just keeps saying that’s still his mum and my sons grandma.

i understand that but she’s too obsessed with my son and it’s not right that she thinks it’s acceptable to talk down on me. she has no respect and i don’t want to be around her at all.

she made the first months of me being a mum so miserable, made me question myself a lot and just made me feel so shitty.

when i confronted my mans mum and his sister (his sister was also trying to play mum with my son) about the way they spoke to me and made me feel they didn’t own up or apologise and instead made it seem like it wasn’t that deep.

i just don’t know how i can get through to my man , i’ve expressed so many times how i feel and he just isn’t hearing it.

my man works very long hours so he doesn’t get back from work until around 9pm and he’s recently expressed that he will start getting his mum to reach out to me about our son.

she hasn’t yet messaged me but i plan to not reply 😭

i just don’t know how i can get through to my man. i don’t want to even do supervised visits because it will just be me and her and when we’re alone she uses that chance to start with her remarks.

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