Help me
I recently discovered that my husband was cheating on me during my pregnancy and continued the affair after our baby was born. During the pregnancy he was cold, distant, and repeatedly told me he was “frustrated.” A few days after I gave birth, he told me he wasn’t happy and didn’t feel anything for me. I was heartbroken and scared.
I stayed with my parents for a few days, but he didn’t want me to return home quickly. When I eventually came back, I found messages confirming the affair. When I told my parents, they said they couldn’t help me and were more worried about social status than my wellbeing.
When I confronted my husband, he blamed me. He said it was my fault for not keeping him happy, that I should have expected it, and that he had done nothing wrong. He has shown no remorse, no apology, and he is still in contact with the other woman, who works with him and whom I knew professionally.
I feel trapped. I have no financial stability, no support from my family, and nowhere to go with my baby. Currently on maternity leave, I am worried if i go for a full time job then how will I look after my baby. All of my earnings have been invested into our property assets. I earn a basic wage, while he is carrying a significant amount of personal debt. However, he does have a stable job with a strong salary
I am trying to understand my options and find a way forward, but right now I feel overwhelmed and alone.
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This is heartbreaking and you don’t deserve this at all. Do you have any friends who can help you out? If not from now on start putting money away and plan an exit even if it takes a long time.
I’m not sure what government support is available for women in your situation but definitely look into that too. Are you planning to divorce?
This is awful! You don't deserve this, but can you go to a shelter/ refuge and get yourself on the waiting list for a council house if neither of you own your home? I'm not sure if you can go on it as a single mum if you're currently still married and living together etc but you could at least get some advice
I'm so sorry for you, that's so hard and must be detracting from enjoying your baby. He needs to take accountability for his actions, no matter how unhappy he was/is, this is not an excuse.
I would speak to Gingerbread, the charity, they are amazing. Also, if you're still in touch with your health visitor, they could maybe help? There is also online help to see what support you could be entitled to. Turn2us.org.uk or Entitledto.co.uk.
My friend had something similar happen to her and her ex husband actually left her for the other woman. She got full support with her rent and was able to claim benefits to help support herself. I hope you have some good friends, if your family can't/won't help ❤️❤️❤️
Is there any domestic abuse there, of any kind? It sounds like there may be some emotional abuse. If so, there are charities you can turn to for support.
As above stated, there’s benefits you’ll be entitled to. Also child maintenance, so he’ll have to help out financially.
A lot of people are suggesting help from other family/friends. I know this can be disheartening advice, if there is no one.
I had a similar situation, but my baby was 2.
Still, I got back on my own two feet on my own. No help/ support from anyone.
I enrolled my son in nursery, so I could work. I learnt to drive. Got my own car.
Enrolled in a masters degree, finished that, got a higher paid job.
Now 7 years later, I’m married to a different (much better) man, I have another baby. I have everything I thought I’d never have the day I saw those messages on his phone.
It’s going to be tough, but it’s going to make you stronger. Focus on yours and baby’s happiness. The rest will fall into place
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