Need my ladies
Just here to vent somewhere, feeling isolated in this.
My husband and I got in an argument.
I’m conflict avoidant and usually choose the peaceful route, even if that means holding back from saying things I want to say and I’ll apologize for my role and make it clear I don’t want to argue, just address or resolve _____ .
He on the other hand is very immature - he fights to fight, he wants it to escalate and wants nothing to do with any apologizing or resolution or calm tone. He’ll say mean things, make threats and turn it into a toxic game instead of an adult disagreement. At that point I just retreat. You can’t get anywhere with that behavior. After a few hours he’ll just start teasing me or be randomly nice - never address what happened - and sweep it under the rug with playfulness.
But If I respond frustrated or upset and don’t go along with it, he becomes the victim. “I was just trying to be cool and you want to be all sad and have an issue so FUCK IT” “you want me to be the bad guy - I’ll be the bad guy” and I’ll desperately try to explain, nothing has been addressed and I’m upset right now or my feelings are hurt by what he said and he just railroads me with petty statements so I just ignore him until it fully blows over.
I am frustrated with the dynamic. I give him so much grace and set the bar way too low in the beginning that he now doesn’t see his lack and how he treats me. I do everything in the home - everything for the kids - and work from home as well. I go above and beyond trying to handle it all and he constantly sees me overwhelmed or needing help and the moment he’s off work, he plays games and does what he wants to do until bed. I don’t harass him about it because it gets me nowhere. I don’t act resentful, I just do what I need to do no matter how much I have to suffer because I’d rather have peace in the house then argue with a grown man who should know better.
I’m starting to think that for many women, even though we’ve progressed, many men are not equal to us in maturity and tenacity for handling the life we share. I don’t have the energy to fight, to blow up our family, to think on it too much…it just feels like women are very under appreciated as a whole, unseen often and trying to make sense of how we fell in love or developed a life with a person when more naive to these realities and now when in it deep - all we want is for some common decency, and they think they should get an award for doing one task sometimes and generally being nice and going to work.
Then if seeking advice, most people reduce an entire family life and situation to “just leave”. I don’t feel like that’s a solution either. I don’t want to leave, I want to figure out how to get him to see the reality of how his actions affect me and our kids even if it isn’t spoken to him. I want him to recognize human to human that more work should be shared…and it’s not right to take advantage of another persons tendency to handle all of the things. I want him to learn that we can have an argument or make mistakes and work with each other to fix it and voice frustrations and anger without saying hurtful things or escalating with threats.
It’s like dealing with a teenager when I need him to be the one person I can let go of the reigns with and trust he’s got it.
It’s exhausting
Petty
Okay, let me start by saying this is probably a stupid post but it’s annoying me so I’m going to post anyways lol.
So I’m 28 weeks pregnant and one of my lovely symptoms is extreme thirst. When I say I’ve never in my life drank so many fluids lol. I’m an ice person, I HAVE to have ice. I’ve always hated water I still do but I’m trying to make myself drink it more for obvious reasons. However, I can not stomach it at all if I don’t have ice. If it’s not ice cold I can taste every single mineral I swear 🤣 and it’ll immediately come back up. My husband is not an ice person he literally never uses ice, ever. For anything. Well he’s been pissy with me lately (I’m assuming because I do not want to have sex. I’m uncomfortable, I’m in pain, I’m depressed and stressed and he just sucks in general (as a husband not sex) so I’m not I’m just turned off completely. Anyways, our refrigerator doesn’t make ice so I have one of those counter ice makers and I keep making ice so I can have it for my water and every fucking time I go to make myself water there is NO ICE. He has this HUGE cup and he’s completely filling it up using all of my damn ice. There will be like 10 little pieces left in the bin which does nothing but melt instantly. I have to fill my cup completely and then do cold water lol. I am so damn annoyed I could literally punch him in the throat. I know he’s doing it on purpose to be petty and boyyyy I’m pissed lol. Leave my fucking ice alone 😩
