Need serious advise
I have a 7 month old baby boy and today I decided to end things with my baby father. A little back story he was unfaithful to me before having a baby and he said that he'd be loyal if I had a baby with him. I did my whole pregnancy alone because he accused me of cheating etc. And only a week ago he met his son for the first time because I sent him a letter in the mail since he had me blocked on everything and I moved. This past week I've seen no change from his past behaviour. He's so unhelpful with our son and barely even paid any attention to him. I didnt appreciate him also smacking me and throwing dirty nappies at my face in front of our son and he kept laughing it off. Last night it was really hot and my baby was crying and restless and my baby father kept pulling his leg really hard and telling him to shush so he could sleep. I ended up restless because I was trying to cool our son down as well as put him to sleep. In the morning I said how I was upset that he didn't even try to help me and he got upset saying that he picked him up once in the night which just irritated me because he only picked up our son to give him to me. After that I barely said anything to him and just did everything myself like I've been doing the past 7 months. I then decided to end things with him saying I don't think this relationship is working right now but im still happy to split custody. But he replied if he we aren't together hes not going to be involved with our son. Im now blocked. In some sense im relieved to be a single parent and take care of my LO but hes a boy. I can't help but feel guilty that he needs his father. Should I go back to him or is there no point?
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He doesn't want to be a dad. End of. You can do it much better alone and you've proven that to yourself already xxx
Sorry but more fool u for having a kid with him
Only you know deep down what is right and what you want. Personally after reading what you said I wouldn’t want to be with him. So far he hasn’t shown much good dad behaviour or been supportive to you so is that likely to change ? I’d rather go it alone. Doesn’t mean there will be zero relationship between father and son, you can create a healthy relationship that can works for you all without being in an actual relationship with him. I don’t like his behaviour of throwing dirty nappy’s or slapping you, and the pulling of your boys legs - I really think you’ll be better off without. He sounds really manipulative - if you are not going to be together he wants nothing to do with your son, that whole sentence is just wrong in so many ways
First of all, I think you should feel incredibly proud of yourself for getting out of what sounds like an extremely toxic relationship.
From what you've written here, he had a great deal of control over you and saying "I will be loyal if you have my baby" is essentially another form of control and a way to trap you in the relationship. But it didn't work. Instead you prioritised yourself and your son. So go you!!
He doesn't seem to truly want to provide your son with a fatherly role, which is awful. But when you look at the man he is, ask yourself "do you want this man to be the role model your son looks up to?"
I understand you may have the urge to get back with him, perhaps the energy it takes from you having a young child, on top of the loneliness of not having the support from him. But that said, is he worth the pain and hurt he has already inflicted upon you?
Only you can make the decision to be with him or not, but if you want advice, I think keep prioritising yours and your son's needs.
And if he chooses not to be involved, he is the one that loses in the end.
If you want to chat, dont hesitate to drop me a message x
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