My mom is not as present as I thought she would be

Just wanted to come on here and vent a little bit. I’m a FTM and my mom absolutely loves children. She always wanted to be a grandma but said she never wanted to pressure me into having kids if I didn’t want any.

I’m so grateful for my little one. He has filled a hole in my heart I didn’t know even existed. I’m also very lucky to have a husband who is very hands on and we split taking care of him as fairly as possible. I’m out on maternity leave and my husband is back at work so majority of the caretaking is on me right now.
This is not a complaint that I don’t have a good support system in my house.

It’s just my mom doesn’t help as much as she says she wants to. She says she will come and help me clean or take care of baby but when she’s here she just wants to carry the baby and nothing else. She won’t feed him, burp him, change his diaper. Nothing other than hold him. I asked her to change his diaper for me and she said no she doesn’t do diapers. Im guessing she thinks this is doing me a favor just holding him so I can get stuff done around the house but not really when I still have to take care of him and when I do take care of him she’s criticizing me for something. Sometimes I lash out at her because I get frustrated but for me it’s like why are commenting if you don’t even do anything yourself?? I’m starting to think she just likes the idea of being a grandma?

I have a doctor appointment and she’s the only person I can ask for watch baby for an hour and I’m nervous. I know it’s only an hour but she refuses to even learn how to heat up a bottle so I’m like am I coming home to chaos??

Vent over if you made it this far thanks for reading

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Ugh this would be so frustrating! I’m sorry you are dealing with that. Idk if I would trust her to watch him for an hour, can they come to the appointment with you? Just because she refuses to change his diaper or even warm up a bottle. I would have a talk with her for sure, lay it all out and if she doesn’t like it oh well.

I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this. It might be time to set some boundaries if she isn’t really helping you out.

I would honestly take the baby with you. It might be daunting - but at least you know he’ll be with you and well taken care of.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through that girl if you ever need someone to babysit I will help you with him. Feel free to drop him off for 24 hour in-home babysitting

My mom is similar she’s more hands on with my sister and her kids…she stayed with my sister most of the first 3 months with twins I did post partum alone with my ex husband with both my kids….i live with my mom now and she pretty much does her own thing don’t place expectations on people to be around when you have kids I know it sucks but sometimes you have to make your own village….get on Facebook…the library etc and find some local moms it’ll work itself out it just takes time sometimes

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