Feeling tore

I’ve always wanted a big family since i was an only child who grew up with lots of cousins.
Now I’m a mom to a perfect little girl, I realize that I’m quite selfish with my time. I’m not like the other moms where I’m feeling energetic about spending time with baby. It feels more like work than work itself.
Maybe this is because I had my baby in my 30s and I’m more set in my own ways? We get a lot of help and can easily get a couple nights off per week. I know I really shouldn’t make a fuss.
Will this dynamic change after 2-3 kids or when the kids are older?

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As someone from a big family (1 of 11 kids) whilst I loved having a big family growing up, I don't want one for myself, I will definitely have two but having a big family comes with it's challenges, we are all very different people and don't all get on, I'm in the middle so I have age in common with the oldest and youngest siblings and my older siblings were able to help out with me and vice versa me with the younger ones, however, as my parents discovered, once you have more than two people find it very overwhelming to look after that many kids, we were lucky we had a big house and plenty of space for the most part but when my parents split and we had to downsize it put a lot of strain on us kids and our relationships with each other became fractured and we all became desperate to move out as quickly as we could. The youngest of my sisters was born when my mum was 42.. So she's only just got her space back at the age of 65, after 26 years of having a house full of kids.

It doesn't make you selfish to change your mind on wanting a big family 🖤 if you just want your daughter so you can spend time with her and have time for you then that's totally okay. However I've heard it's easier when they're older because they start becoming their own person and wanting independence and spending time with them doesn't just mean constantly caring for them like when they're young

This post resonated with me. I always wanted at least 3 kids but had my first at 39 and it feels exhausting at times. I absolutely love spending time with my daughter, but some days as you said, feel like work. I feel as though my age definitely plays a factor. But because of that, I dont know if a bigger family is in the cards. I can't answer your question only having 1 myself, but would love to see what other people post.

in our community

Anyone else’s (male) partner think packing the car is the number one job when getting ready to leave for a trip?

Whenever we’re going anywhere, the first thing he wants to do is load the car. He’s constantly on me “is this ready to go in the car? Is that ready to go in the car?”

He’ll literally take bags that are half packed and start loading them. One time he put an empty cooler in the trunk and said I could just carry the food out to it.

We’re going to a water park hotel for 2 days and 1 night today, and that’s the first thing he said to me 🙃

I have said it to him many times that I like to take an account of things before we start loading it up, and there are many tasks that can be done before it’s time to load the car (the kids are still in their pyjamas…)

Tough Time

I love my husband, and he’s an amazing father. Now that I’ve become a SAHM, he’s the one taking on a ton of pressure and providing for our family. I get all of that and I’m so grateful to him, so why do I feel cranky with him all the time?

When he’s got the baby, I feel like he’s doing it all wrong. Like he’s being stubborn and not listening to my advice. He always thinks the baby is crying from gas, which isn’t always the case, but burps him anyways. He doesn’t want to listen to me, even though caring for the baby is my full time job.

When he’s with me, it’s like he doesn’t know what he’s doing either, which has never been the case before the baby. He doesn’t say the right things, or check in on how I’m doing postpartum.

Does this feeling pass? Am I a jerk?

My husband has hit me again !!

I understand we started rough , I can’t even believe I’m typing this because I would see stories like this and think this can’t be me . He hit me the first time 2 years ago , sometimes during an argument he would almost hit me but it somehow we stopped by his manipulative mother who lives with us . He’s the only son and she has no husband so of course she has to live here . Now because of her he has hit me ! I told myself I would cope because of the kids , two boys , how will I cope ?? They need a man .. that’s what I kept telling myself . I’ve left before and somehow found myself back again with him and his mother because they begged me to come back . Now I have a busted lip ! A busted lip ! Bleeding .. can’t believe this . On my first day of my work ! Just because they are gonna make me a GM?? Is that it ?? Because since yesterday he’s been talking about it .. I don’t know . .. I’m so sad that this is my life . I just want to leave this earth and rest with my mum cause I’m so ashamed of myself and how I could end up with a man like this .but I can’t leave my kids .. I don’t know …

BD

My son’s father wants to have a “talk”. I don’t want to . I don’t want to hear him . I’m actually in this stage where I don’t feel nothing for him . Everything I felt before I finally decided to get away from him , is still there . I know that he might want to get back together I do miss the feeling of sleeping with someone & cooking for someone but I don’t miss providing for someone other than my child . That’s when messed up . I feel like he only wants to be a family because he knows I held it down . I did everything. I hate being used . I hate feeling like the last option . This man put me through so much I don’t even want to look at him anymore . I feel bad bc my son always ask about him coming to move with us but he don’t get the pain he caused me . I felt like a different person . I hated myself actually . To think that I would want a family when in reality I know that he only wants to come back because he can’t do it alone is unfair and heartbreaking to me . I don’t have feelings for him but I do care that he isn’t in a stable place or environment. I just feel like shit . I hate my life right now

OH too rough with newborn?

I feel like my other half is *ever so slightly* too rough with our 4-week-old.

I **know** I'm overly cautious, but I feel like he's the complete opposite. He doesn't always support her neck when he picks her up, holds her bottle almost straight down so she's gulping, passes her over one-handed (literally by one hand, not even his arm), towel-dries her like she's a soggy Labrador, and tugs on her legs when he's getting her into the baby carrier. The list goes on.

I know, without a doubt, he'd never intentionally hurt her. I'm trying so hard not to be a helicopter parent because I don't want to knock his confidence or make him feel like he can't do anything right. But I get genuinely anxious at the thought of leaving her with him because he's just not as gentle or careful as I am.

I'm not saying my way is the only right way. I probably *am* too careful. I just don't know how to bring it up without sounding critical. She's his baby too, and I don't want him to feel like I'm gatekeeping.

But also... mate, please stop handling the baby like she's a takeaway coffee. 😅

Missing out?

My 3.5 year old toddler doesn’t watch any kids shows on TV. Other children seem interested in TV show characters and enjoy incorporating them in their play. Sometimes other toddlers try to play/ talk about these with him and he doesn’t engage well due to the unfamiliarity. Even his nursery have done activities based around TV characters/shows. Is he missing out because we do not give him access to these? Should I introduce them?

He does have limited some screen time but these do not include watching TV shows with characters. I really wanted to have limited screen time for as long as possible.