midwives vs partners
Has anyone else had a negative experience with midwives treating your boyfriend/husband/ male partner poorly? It started with pre natal appointments where he was completely ignored, wasn’t asked if he had any questions or anything. I know it’s the woman who’s pregnant but he often left those appointments feeling like a spare part, despite trying to be as involved as he could.
My partner was incredibly supportive during labour, but in that tense senario all I needed was his hand to hold and squeeze, I didn’t need any more physical/ verbal support and the midwife’s made comments like “tell her she’s doing a good job” and I thought it was so unnecessary. This was our second child so I knew what I wanted and needed from him and we’d discussed this prior.
Appointments after birth were just the same. When the midwife came to our home to visit I was holding the baby and happened to be walking past the door when she arrived, so I opened the door and led her in. After doing th checks on our baby she made a snide comment like “we’ll give baby to dad so mam can get some rest” Little did she know he’d been up with him all night while I had 10 hours uninterrupted sleep. My partner had privately voiced his insecurities on not feeling like he was doing enough, especially in those early days. The constant condescending tones from health professionals made this so much worse and he put so much pressure on himself as a result.
Maybe it’s just my district but has anyone else had any experiences like this?
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Yes, I think they tend to try to be ultra supportive of mothers, and that can often come across as being quite stand-offish with the father. While it's not the best way to behave, I can sympathise with them. You only have to look on this app to see that a huge number of women are dealing with horrendously unsupportive, lazy, and downright abusive men as the fathers of their children. Midwives are often the only advocate these women have, and they must see some horrendous interactions.
My husband was picked on by a health care assistant while we were having our first, and we still laugh about it now. She told him off every time she saw him for things he hadn't even done. He went back a year later to help collect his sister after she had a baby, and she went for him again!
Some just take it too far and tar all men with the same brush, unfortunately.
I think you just had a bad batch of midwives sorry. I have specifically requested for 2 I felt comfortable with, one to be my default and another lovely lady to cover for her. 9 months is a long time. Our midwife was really really attentive to both me and dad, so I do not understand the comments she made, very unprofessional if you ask.
I would agree with this at antenatal appointments my midwife said to my husband you don’t really need to come to any there isn’t anything interesting until the birth plan! However I felt it was super important for them to connect to the pregnancy and prepare too. However both times at my birth they have been amazing with him.
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