Am i wrong for what I said?

So yesterday when I got home, my oldest stepdaughter (9) was on FaceTime with her bio mom in the kitchen. I was going to start making dinner, and while I was doing that my stepdaughter started telling me about a poop accident that happened with my bio daughter whom i share with her dad. I had asked her to explain what she was doing in the moment that let up to her poop accident, and they were basically signs of wanting to poop. I ended up telling her that if she just happens to see her doing that, just direct her to the toilet so she doesn’t have an accident. during that time her mom was quiet, but she ended up texting her saying that it’s not her job to potty train and all this other stuff but I don’t think what I said was wrong because I just simply told her to direct her to the toilet. I never said she had to clean her up or do anything like that. I would also like to clarify that we have never made her or her sister change the diaper or do anything crazy in the past or present with our daughter. if we asked them to help with their baby sister, it’s just little things.

in our community

Aita? Please read before voting. Reposted as I read it and it didn't make sense

A few weeks ago my friend put on the school mums group chat to ask if we wanted to meet up in a park somewhere I'd never been before it's like in the peak district somewhere. I replied and said we will come as no one else did. She said that's great and she would take us as I can't drive.

Yesterday she messaged me privately and said she can't take us because she's visiting a relative in hospital after going to the park. I said it's fine I've got my sister's kids anyway and we wont be able to get there. My sisters mil has been admitted into the cancer unit for end of life care. My friend knew this.

Yesterday she put on the group chat if anyone else wanted to come and no one replied. She then said very late on that she can't go anyway because of a family emergency. I messaged her privately and asked if she was okay. She said she had to wait in for a parcel for said relative who is in hospital (relative is fine btw but my friend is dissapointed that she couldn't take her son to the park. The parcel is the "family emergency" she posted on the group chat)

I replied and said that I was sorry about having to cancel and I hope her relative is okay (shes fine and recovering) here if she needed anything etc. My sisters mil is actively dying in the cancer suite and she didn't want her boys to whitness it. That's why I've got them today. My youngest nephew is nonverbal and autistic and it's not fair on the eldest to care for him whilst I struggle to take them to a place they've never been before with my son who has his own health issues. I explained that I'm feeling the pressure too as I'm planning my sisters baby shower whilst suffering from a late chemical pregnancy. I finished the message with, sending you lots of love.

She replied with "thanks" nothing else. So she either didn't read my message properly (she knew I was in the early stages of pregnancy as I showed her the positive test, my sister is also heavily pregnant and due next month so I'm supporting her too)

Or she just doesn't give a shit. The last time she didn't give a shit she said "it's not my fault your mum died" on the anniversary of my mums death. So I messaged her and said that she either didn't read my message or she doesn't care. Which is it? It sounds harsh but I'm also suffering a massive loss whilst trying to support my sister and my "friend" just isn't interested in the slightest.

Am I the ah for calling he tout bevause I'm sick of her BS. For clarification waiting in for the parcel was the emergency. It just messed up the plans for the day. That's literally what she told me in the private message (not the group one)

Childminder worries

To start, I'm not worried about our childminder - she and her assistant are incredible, such amazing lovely people with a wealth of experience between them and I absolutely know they're the right people to look after my son!

But!

He had a 2hr settling in session today and he was SO sad 😩 He's a sensitive little soul, not the kind of baby you can just hand to anyone while you pop to the toilet, you have to earn his trust! And when I picked him up he screamed all the way home which he has *never* done even when he was a newborn, like he was cross with me 💔

Does anyone have a little one like this - sensitive, tentative, shy etc - that they've sent to childcare? He'll be going 3 days a week from September and I'm just so anxious now it'll do some permanent abandonment damage or something 🙈

Toddler play areas

Summer holidays or not, toddler play areas / play cafes SHOULD REMAIN FOR AGE STATED whether summer holidays or not.

I’m SICK to death of going to a play cafe DESIGNED FOR 5 AND UNDER ONLY but as it’s summer holidays all the older siblings are now playing there too.. I’m sorry but my 2 year old is now pushed aside to accommodate older siblings that shouldn’t be there to start with????! - even more annoying when the ‘child’ looks to be 5 their self so the family doesn’t even have a ‘toddler’

There’s so many play areas designed for the older children why do parents have to ruin the few us younger childrened mums get to enjoy for our children. I already avoid loads of places as too busy. These specially designed places should be our safe space.

Cafe owners should keep better tabs on it too.

Rant over.

Clingy baby and heatwave

I’m really struggling with the weather and our 3 week old that I’ve become super anxious about leaving the house.
My baby will not let me put him down but is very warm. He is just in his nappy and after a lot of feeds. He is very hydrated as filling a lot of nappies this morning and only calm when on me.
I have a baby sling but he’s too warm in it and screamed when I tried earlier and he’s lasting around 10 mins in his cot before crying. I’m too nervous to let him get worked up incase he overheats.
I was supposed to go to the doctors today for my own health issue but cancelled as I couldn’t even put him in the car seat to leave the house, which made us both cry. My partner is back at work and my mum is very quick to tell me what I’m doing wrong so not asking her.
I feel like a prisoner in my own home and have lost all my confidence. I’m trying not to be hard on myself but I literally can’t do anything other than feed my baby.

Stressful days out..

I would prefer to stay in and my family wonder why.. My son doesn't listen to me and it ends up in me being a bag of nerves and then it eventually stresses me out..

And then my daughter who usually has 1.5 - 2 hours sleep at home refuses to nap in her buggy when when I try to make her nap in her buggy she will scream and cry 30 minutes to 1 hour till she gives in (she's exhausted)
And then the heat over stimulates me...

I'm at the farm right now with my kids, my Nana and Mother and I'm close to tears because I'm so stressed my daughter won't nap even though her eyes are bright pink with exhaustion. And my mother and Nana wonder why I grumble when they want to go out as a family which yeah it's nice but the stress that follows...

Taking the kids out "for fun days" Just isn't fun for me.. Maybe in the future I'll enjoy it more when they're not so young but at the minute I just wanna curl up in a ball and cry....

Marriage counselling- divorce

Hi , has anyone had any success with marriage counselling? I’ve been married to my husband for 4 years (together for 7)we share two young children a 2.5 year old and an 8 month old.

Having our second has certainly shown the cracks in our relationship and how lazy he is, he never helps with household chores, no get up and go (he tried to convert the garage left it in a right mess for years (unusable) I inherited some money so paid 20k for it to be sorted.

he is chronically ill with no diagnosis and needs to rest & watch tv when the kids have a nap whilst I’m doing jobs! I’ve now reached the point of compassionate fatigue as I carry the weight of everything. He’s started belittling me and treats me like I’m stupid - even my family and friends have picked up on this. I’m honestly so fed up now I shouldn’t be feeling like this so soon , it used to make me sad now it just angers me. I’m thinking the first step should be marriage counselling as it is in all our interests to make this work. Has anybody got any advice or a similar story?