Today I'm really spiralling

I'm sorry you're having this kind of day. Definitely been there a time or two. And shopping is definitely also a therapy of mine as well! I know you're struggling but stay strong, this too shall pass! I know you wrote incognito but if you ever need to talk or vent pm me. I will be sending good vibes your way and hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Maybe also reach out to one of your loved ones that you trust even if it doesn't seem like they are making an effort. Maybe they don't see you, almost everyone is wrapped up in their own little worlds.

Get some Jamaican castor oil while you online shop. Maybe go out if it's a nice day and get some sun. I promise you the sun helps. Even if it's to cry. Release something please!
Do something that actively makes you feel good. Dress yourself, dress your baby, and go for a walk and get something nice to eat for yourself and feel your feelings freely.

I'm sorry for the recent loss and I'm also sorry you're struggling with feeling alone. If you have anyone you trust, maybe tell them you need some support. Sometimes people are so wrapped up in themselves that they don't realize.

Let it out. Little things piling up or multiple things piling up become such a huge burden. It's gunna sound crazy, but I highly suggest screaming. Not at someone, but in to nothing. Let the universe hear you when no one else does. Be in a pillow, outside into the air, sitting in your car gripping your steering wheel and dig deep and just full send. This helps me when I'm overwhelmed, over stimulated, and feeling anything and everything.