Christmas

Want to know if I’m overreacting or if I’m right to be angry! So I’m due around Christmas time and my partners family are VERY involved in his life. He has 2 sisters, one older and one younger and he is very close to his parents.

Anyway all through my pregnancy all I’ve heard from his mom and sister is that the baby ‘has to be a girl’ as there are currently 3 grandsons/nephews and only 1 granddaughter/niece. We have since found out it is a girl, but these comments really pissed me off because we would love our baby regardless.

Another issue being bought up is Christmas. Obviously Christmas we are both his family and mine. My dad and stepmom understand this year will be different. I’m fully committed to the fact that we will not be going to anyone this year, I’ll either have a newborn baby or be 40 weeks pregnant and not want to go out anywhere. I’ve made this clear since I found out my due date.

But yesterday my MIL said ‘well if she’s not here you can still come round’ and I said no, and she CONTINUED to say ‘don’t you want Christmas dinner?’ and as ungrateful as this seems I just went ‘no I don’t, I’ll be 40+ weeks and uncomfortable’. The woman jist can’t accept boundaries because her children never set any. I’ve been with my partner for 6 years, we are engaged and she still refers to me as his ‘girlfriend’ despite being engaged for almost 3 years.

I don’t know if it’s just because I’ve been super independent my whole life or if I do have a right to be upset that she just disregards everything I say.

in our community

Partners

I just need someone to tell me I’m not losing my shit!!
So my boyfriend, father of my child recently we’re just really on top of each other arguing all the time over the smallest things and it feels like we’re living in a competition rather than being in a team if I’m tired he’s 10 times more tired he gets to go out as on when he wants whenever he wants comes and goes as he pleases, the money situation isn’t great either I was a self-employed hairdresser so I don’t get maternity pay so I’m quite heavily relying on him and I’ve never felt so low from going being self-employed having as much money as I possibly need never having to ask anyone for money to having to rely on someone having to ask to buy basic things that I wouldn’t even think twice about buying and then getting it thrown back in my face in any slight little argument, constantly being told to get up and go back to work being called lazy on a daily basis when I’m home raising is daughter who’s only 5 months old. I’m obviously getting very upset and not really wanting to voice it to him because then when I do everything just gets turned back round onto him rather than listening to me and how I feel everything is always about him. Are all men this selfish or do I need to put my big girl pants on and leave

How would you feel if your husband was stealing food for his family?

So my family is low income and on a tight budget. We often only buy things on sale or use the very little government assistance we have which really doesn’t help that much. And I found out my husband has been stealing things like meat and fish because they are the most expensive things we buy and he wants lower our grocery bill. He’s also started to steal other miscellaneous food items to cut our bill. I understand he’s doing it to feed his family but I’m sooo scared he’s going to get in trouble 😭

Baby dad threatening court….

Me and my children’s dad split at the end of April after 4 years together. We have two young children.

Since separating, contact has been extremely inconsistent. Initially he saw them at my house, but after name-calling, arguments and a history of emotional/domestic abuse and controlling behaviour, I told him he couldn’t come into my home anymore.

Since then, there have only been a handful of occasions where he has actually taken the children out and parented independently. He’s been late collecting them, returned them early and changed arrangements. He had his own home shortly after we split but never took the children there — contact has mainly been at his mum’s or friends’ houses.

He got a new girlfriend very soon after we split and, after around 12 weeks, gave up his own flat and moved into her house. He’s now making a bedroom for the children there and suddenly asking/demanding regular overnights and significantly more contact despite the previous inconsistency.

There are also concerns about his parenting. During the whole 3 years my eldest has been alive, he has essentially never dealt with nappies/poo because he’s openly said he hates doing it. I’ve come home before and found that a child hasn’t been properly cleaned, and I have messages about this.

There is also a history of controlling/threatening behaviour. Since separating, he has threatened to use photos of my house being messy against me. Those photos were from a period when I was struggling with postnatal depression and wasn’t receiving support from him. I also have messages where I’ve asked for financial help with things for the children and he’s refused, including saying he’d rather spend his money on drugs/other things.

My eldest is 3, suspected autistic and has just started nursery. I’m his main carer and neither child has ever stayed overnight away from me, so going from inconsistent contact to suddenly wanting regular overnights feels like a huge change.

I’m also concerned about the people and environment the children would be around during longer contact. His dad has previously driven with us while under the influence of drugs without me knowing at the time. I’ve also witnessed/heard behaviour from him towards my children that I found extremely concerning, including encouraging my 2-year-old to repeat a racial slur.

He has made repeatedly racist comments and has also said on multiple occasions that if either of the children were ever gay, he would disown them.

These aren’t things I’m comfortable ignoring when considering who my children are around, particularly for overnight contact.

More recently, their dad has started sending me very legal-looking messages about contact despite there currently being no court order or solicitors involved. He also turned up for contact with a high-back booster seat with no harness for my 3-year-old, which really concerned me.

I have messages/documentation relating to a lot of the above, so I’m not just going off memory.

I’m genuinely looking for experiences from mums who have been through something similar — particularly where a dad was inconsistent after separation and then suddenly wanted significantly more time/overnights, or where there was a history of domestic abuse/control and concerns about the wider family environment.

if CAFCASS/court/mediation became involved, how were things like inconsistent contact, parenting ability, domestic abuse and concerns about who the children were around taken into account?

I’d really appreciate genuine experiences rather than judgement. ❤️

Clingy toddler while pregnant

I’m a SAHM and pregnant with a clingy toddler all day and then when my fiance comes home he still don’t want his dad like ugh it’s one of those days where I want my alone time 😩 and I’m on my last week of the second trimester and the only type of alone time I get is cleaning the kitchen and my almost 3 year old don’t go to sleep till 12.

Is he wrong or am I?

My partner told me we’re tight on money right now because of some things going poorly with business which is fate.

However, I needed some basic things like food and mouse traps because we have a mice infestation in our garage which is attached to our house so I’m scared they’ll get in.

Anywho, he got upset with me and said “I think you just buy stuff at the store that you don’t need because you have nothing else to do” …………..so because I’m a SAHM he thinks I have nothing to do and all I ever but is basic things we need and make some makeup sometimes if he lets me. My clothes are going bad, my things are literally RATTY because I need new ones and I’m ALWAYS BUSY as a SAHM. So idk why he’s so comfortable telling me I just buy shit for the hell if it when he was literally flirty with this girl at a sweet shoppe and spent $30 on sweets just for him AFTER he told me we need to save money………..

SAHM problems; Who else is sick of this?!

I’m so fucking sick of people acting like being a SAHM means I’m doing absolutely nothing. I’m so fucking sick of the father of my child & his family, my mother, my sister and everybody else acting like I’m not shit because I stay home to care for my child. Like how fucking bizarre to act like being a SAHM isn’t important and special? I am so god damn tired all of the time 24/7, the only “break” I get is when I’m either at the gym or sleeping. I’m so tired of having to feel like I need to defend myself and explain myself. Like WTF is wrong with people?! I think ppl really need to have more compassion for mothers. Like why is that moms all of a sudden don’t seem lazy if you get paid as a daycare worker, but I’m lazy if I want to care for my own child at home? Wtf?! I feel so angry and so helpless. Why do I get treated like shit just for wanting to raise my own child? This bullying has got to stop. It’s ok if you have to work and it’s ok if you stay home and don’t get cash for raising your own child. It’s un-fucking-believable how ppl treat me and I’m so fucking sick of it!!!! I’m almost at the point where I will just go to work and disown every body.