Partners
I just need someone to tell me I’m not losing my shit!!
So my boyfriend, father of my child recently we’re just really on top of each other arguing all the time over the smallest things and it feels like we’re living in a competition rather than being in a team if I’m tired he’s 10 times more tired he gets to go out as on when he wants whenever he wants comes and goes as he pleases, the money situation isn’t great either I was a self-employed hairdresser so I don’t get maternity pay so I’m quite heavily relying on him and I’ve never felt so low from going being self-employed having as much money as I possibly need never having to ask anyone for money to having to rely on someone having to ask to buy basic things that I wouldn’t even think twice about buying and then getting it thrown back in my face in any slight little argument, constantly being told to get up and go back to work being called lazy on a daily basis when I’m home raising is daughter who’s only 5 months old. I’m obviously getting very upset and not really wanting to voice it to him because then when I do everything just gets turned back round onto him rather than listening to me and how I feel everything is always about him. Are all men this selfish or do I need to put my big girl pants on and leave
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Hey mama. You're not crazy, any decent man would be thinking about you and your needs and the baby's needs. He's just thinking about himself. It's like he wanted a family life without anything changing for him. Each individual relationship and situation is different, but when I was in that position, my children's Dad got worse and worse until he got abusive towards me. Calling me names every day. He never bought anything for me or the baby. I was fortunate enough to have maternity pay, but he didn't even help pay for things the baby needed like milk, nappies, wipes, clothes etc. I left when my daughter was 1 and I was 4 months pregnant with my second. It got too much. He now has no contact with either of his children. If you feel like dropping me a message, no judgement, no advice (unless you want it) then please feel free. It is a lonely time for mums. You can just talk about how you're feeling. And please note my situation may have been very different from yours, and leaving was best for me. xx
I’ve definitely found me and my partner bicker over really little things. I’m also going to be relying on him for money and find myself not wanting to buy things as I know he will ask why. Even yesterday he saw I was in Sainsbury’s and asked what I was buying, i went for fairy liquid 🥲 I also don’t bring things up to avoid arguments and then end up even more upset/angry because I’m bottling it up!
Darling you answered your own question at the end! I'm in a different position as I'm not self employed, so I did get maternity and thankfully it wasn't an awful drop to normal earnings. But right away we agreed to put all our money into joint account- so all bills/mortgage go out of it, monthly shop, fuel, babies stuff...you name it. We allocated a monthly amount for us each to have to spend on what we want - a book, lunch at work, coffee out etc (£250). Bearing in mind he earns more, he still took the same as me. Probably uses less than me as I love buying books!😂. He now jokes i get around spending because I biy baby clothes and can put it on the joint. But not once has he made me feel like I shouldn't. Yes now I'm back part time we need to be careful, as there's a lot we need to do house-wise. But he acknowledge i being on maternity/part time an sacrificing earnings and pension. We are married, so maybe different. But it takes 2 to tango, these things should be discussed together before...
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Partners
I just need someone to tell me I’m not losing my shit!!
So my boyfriend, father of my child recently we’re just really on top of each other arguing all the time over the smallest things and it feels like we’re living in a competition rather than being in a team if I’m tired he’s 10 times more tired he gets to go out as on when he wants whenever he wants comes and goes as he pleases, the money situation isn’t great either I was a self-employed hairdresser so I don’t get maternity pay so I’m quite heavily relying on him and I’ve never felt so low from going being self-employed having as much money as I possibly need never having to ask anyone for money to having to rely on someone having to ask to buy basic things that I wouldn’t even think twice about buying and then getting it thrown back in my face in any slight little argument, constantly being told to get up and go back to work being called lazy on a daily basis when I’m home raising is daughter who’s only 5 months old. I’m obviously getting very upset and not really wanting to voice it to him because then when I do everything just gets turned back round onto him rather than listening to me and how I feel everything is always about him. Are all men this selfish or do I need to put my big girl pants on and leave
5
How would you feel if your husband was stealing food for his family?
So my family is low income and on a tight budget. We often only buy things on sale or use the very little government assistance we have which really doesn’t help that much. And I found out my husband has been stealing things like meat and fish because they are the most expensive things we buy and he wants lower our grocery bill. He’s also started to steal other miscellaneous food items to cut our bill. I understand he’s doing it to feed his family but I’m sooo scared he’s going to get in trouble 😭
8
Annoyed at partner
Would love some opinions. My husband has been commenting this evening about how tired and achy he is feeling, we have both been a little ill the last few days. this in itself doesn’t annoy me too much because I can appreciate that I have looked after our 4 month old all day and he has been out working all day. What annoys me is the following-
1. He came home after work and it was nearly an hour and a half before he finally came downstairs and took over care of our daughter. In the time he was just chilling I did a whole feed and two nappy changes plus general care.
2. He says he’s so tired knowing full well that he will have a decent night sleep tonight and I will be the one getting up to do feed and changes throughout the night etc …which irritates me as it feels like a real lack of awareness for what is ahead for me
3. Tomorrow (Saturday) he is going to watch his team play football with his dad so I will be on my own looking after baby most of the day. He made a joking comment about how he’s so tired that when he gets back from football tomorrow he will need to sleep the rest of the weekend …again I feel a complete lack of awareness on his part and appreciation for how I am feeling and how exhausted I am , plus the fact that I never feel like I get time to myself or time to do things I like the way he does
Am I being too sensitive? Should I say anything?
3
Clingy toddler while pregnant
I’m a SAHM and pregnant with a clingy toddler all day and then when my fiance comes home he still don’t want his dad like ugh it’s one of those days where I want my alone time 😩 and I’m on my last week of the second trimester and the only type of alone time I get is cleaning the kitchen and my almost 3 year old don’t go to sleep till 12.
2
5
Is he wrong or am I?
My partner told me we’re tight on money right now because of some things going poorly with business which is fate.
However, I needed some basic things like food and mouse traps because we have a mice infestation in our garage which is attached to our house so I’m scared they’ll get in.
Anywho, he got upset with me and said “I think you just buy stuff at the store that you don’t need because you have nothing else to do” …………..so because I’m a SAHM he thinks I have nothing to do and all I ever but is basic things we need and make some makeup sometimes if he lets me. My clothes are going bad, my things are literally RATTY because I need new ones and I’m ALWAYS BUSY as a SAHM. So idk why he’s so comfortable telling me I just buy shit for the hell if it when he was literally flirty with this girl at a sweet shoppe and spent $30 on sweets just for him AFTER he told me we need to save money………..
8
SAHM problems; Who else is sick of this?!
I’m so fucking sick of people acting like being a SAHM means I’m doing absolutely nothing. I’m so fucking sick of the father of my child & his family, my mother, my sister and everybody else acting like I’m not shit because I stay home to care for my child. Like how fucking bizarre to act like being a SAHM isn’t important and special? I am so god damn tired all of the time 24/7, the only “break” I get is when I’m either at the gym or sleeping. I’m so tired of having to feel like I need to defend myself and explain myself. Like WTF is wrong with people?! I think ppl really need to have more compassion for mothers. Like why is that moms all of a sudden don’t seem lazy if you get paid as a daycare worker, but I’m lazy if I want to care for my own child at home? Wtf?! I feel so angry and so helpless. Why do I get treated like shit just for wanting to raise my own child? This bullying has got to stop. It’s ok if you have to work and it’s ok if you stay home and don’t get cash for raising your own child. It’s un-fucking-believable how ppl treat me and I’m so fucking sick of it!!!! I’m almost at the point where I will just go to work and disown every body.
3
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