Looking for support

My 13 year old daughter came running into the house scared because a girl I’ll call Cat was threatening to beat her up. I went outside to see what was happening, and my boyfriend and I eventually went over to where Cat had run off to, hoping to get an adult involved and understand why she was continuing to cause problems for my daughter.

Things escalated when Cat allegedly called the police and claimed there was a gun, that my boyfriend had it, and that he handed it to my daughter to hide. None of this was true. The police came, we explained what happened, and they spoke with everyone involved. Thankfully, the situation didn’t escalate further, but it left us all shaken. As minorities, we couldn’t help thinking about how differently things could have gone.

When we got home, my boyfriend was extremely upset. He blamed me for putting him in danger and said that my daughter and I had ruined his life because there was now a police report involving an allegation about a gun. He told me our relationship was over and left.
I understand why he was scared. I was scared, too. I was trying to protect my daughter, who had come to me frightened and asking for help. Looking back, I recognize that going over there may not have been the safest decision, but I never intended to put anyone in danger.

What makes this even harder is that this isn’t the first time my boyfriend has blamed me for things. When we have serious disagreements, he often leaves or threatens to end the relationship. Eventually, he comes back, but I’m left feeling anxious and uncertain about where we stand until he does.
We’ve been together for four years, and we’ve never gone a night without FaceTiming before bed. I can’t remember the last time I fell asleep without him. As much as I’m hurt by what happened, I miss him terribly. I’m afraid to even text him because I’m scared he might block me, but I also desperately want to hear his voice and know whether there’s still a chance for us.

I feel torn between wanting to work things out because I love him and wondering whether I can continue being in a relationship where I’m left feeling this anxious whenever things go wrong.
I’m not looking for anyone to tell me what I want to hear. I genuinely need support and an outside perspective.

Can he fight the allegation? That’s insane that there’s an allegation on his record now

The allegation is terrible and unfair however he’s also an adult who could have chosen to stay out of it. It’s not fair to blame you.
It sounds like you have maybe have an anxious attachment style, it’s okay I do too! Therapy can help if that’s an option or interest to you.

What isn’t okay is his behavior. He’s using your anxieties against you whether conscious or not, it’s not healthy. You don’t deserve to be in a relationship with these feelings exacerbated. There needs to be better communication.

It’s not difficult to say “hey I’m feeling some type a way and need some time to process.” Rather than threatening to leave at every bump in the road. If he’s not willing to communicate, leave. It won’t get better.