Suggestions
Hey Mamas,
I have a month old baby, and lately, I’ve been struggling to manage everything on my own. My husband frequently wants to go to the gym or play badminton, leaving me responsible for feeding the baby, changing diapers, putting the baby to sleep, and handling most of the other daily responsibilities.
I completely understand that having personal time, hobbies, and staying active is important. However, I feel that with a baby at home, our priorities and routines need to change, at least for a while.
I’ve communicated my feelings to my husband multiple times and asked him to prioritize our baby and share the responsibilities with me. Unfortunately, I haven’t seen much change, and it’s becoming physically and emotionally exhausting to manage everything alone.
I don’t want to stop him from enjoying his hobbies, but I also need support, personal time, and an equal partner in parenting.
I’m genuinely looking for advice from other parents or couples who have experienced something similar. How did you find a balance? How can I help my husband understand my perspective, and are there things I should approach differently?
I’m open to any suggestions because I really want us to work through this together rather than letting it affect our relationship.
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Sadly I don’t have a suggestion apart from voicing how you feel. I am in a very similar situation with my husband he likes to play golf and is gone for 6-7 hours at a time. Our son is 2 now and it wasn’t as baby when he was a small baby but he plays every weekend now. I’ve told him how I feel and that I don’t get time to go out and do what I want. I still haven’t got the balance I want but speaking to him does help he doesn’t always understand but when our son was younger he did listen and help out more. X
Could you suggest that the amount of alone time he gets you should also get? So if he says he's going to the gym say ok, I am going to _____ (walk, go to gym, some other hobby) when you get back or tomorrow or whatever works for the schedule
If he's not asking you if it's OK I would stop asking him. Maybe that will make him realize how much is on you
Hi, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I went through similar with our first child but we got through it and now have a 7 week old.
What has worked for me this time is explaining how I feel with out using 'you' because he said that it felt like an attack last time.
I also treat him a bit like I do our 4 year old and say 'x/y/z needs to be done tonight, what do you want to do?'
I have also accepted that it is not 50/50 and as long as he knows that, which he does and is happy to vocalise, I can accept it. I have said to him when he has been out a lot in a week that it has been too much for me and I need us to better plan together if that is going to happen. He now runs things past me which allows me to take the time I need elsewhere.
Having a baby is so difficult, try not to go down the playing games or resentment path because all the back biting just leaves both of you more miserable.
I hope there are some new things to try here xx
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Am I over reacting
Today is my baby shower, one of my friends has let me down due to having no baby sitter however she has been out drinking all night so surely who ever had her child could keep him for a couple more hours ? Maybe I’m thinking selfishly but I just feel like it’s an excuse.
Then my mum and sister have been out drinking last night and are now hungover , my sister is asking if she can just stay at home instead.
I feel really upset about this but feel like I’m just being selfish because obviously they have there own lives and they can do as they please
How would you feel ?
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Childminder vs Nursery
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The childminder could take him from January for 4 days a week, and she also has two assistants working with her. The main downside is that she takes 6 weeks of annual leave each year, which would mean having to plan all my annual leave around when she’s off.
The nursery wouldn’t be able to take him until mid-April, and they could only offer 3 days a week. However, they’re only closed for 2 weeks over Christmas.
I did get a better feeling from the nursery in terms of the facilities. It felt more modern, and they had a dedicated sleep room with floor beds for naps, which I really liked.
I’m only returning to work 3 days a week, but choosing the nursery would mean taking 3 weeks of unpaid leave while waiting for his place to start.
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When we found out, I was pregnant his sister did not bother to congratulate me or congratulated me when we got engaged or when we brought our first house.
However, fast forward to when our daughter was born, she thought it was okay to turn up at the hospital with her mum after not even a single message from her. I would just like you to keep in mind my daughter was rushed from my bedside into the NICU and the same day she was coming off her tube feeds and I was trying to breastfeed for the first time. I had made it very clear. I didn’t want any visitors. I was also very unwell with sepsis requiring IV antibiotics.
Fast forward five months later my partner has secretly handed our daughter to her sister to hold while I was in the house and I had made it very clear to him. I didn’t want that to happen. Because for all that time she still did not message me saying congratulations. So I said something which was I didn’t want you to hold her. She then called me a name while holding my baby. It’s completely fractured my relationship with the in-laws, however I’m adamant I haven’t done anything wrong. After someone that builds their social media profile on girlhood to not even congratulate your sister-in-law. I think it’s completely two-faced. I’m just wondering what people were doing that situation was I out of line as I’ve been made to feel like I’m the one in the wrong?
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A little sensitive over my mums grandparent name
I’m due in December with my first baby. My mum and I have a weird relationship, we do get along but we have very different views and can fall out. She’s said she wants to be known as ‘meema’, which I’m really not keen on. To me, it’s too similar to ‘mama’ and ‘mummy’, and as a first time mum, I don’t want that feeling of being called mama to be taken away. Am I just being too sensitive, or am I right to talk to her about it? The thing is she always calls me sensitive over stuff like this, but it’s important to me.
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Why are so many parents against tv/screen time?
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As an adult who still spends time outside or playing with my kids, all I see is other adults staring at their phone, scrolling on social media…idk I’m just confused why there’s such a stigma around letting a child watch tv i guess.
All these influencers or mums on the playground I hear that say “no tv time for my kids” yet they spend all day everyday on their phone? If it’s damaging, why is there screens quite literally everywhere? Shouldn’t we try to do something about this?
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Suggestions
Hey Mamas,
I have a month old baby, and lately, I’ve been struggling to manage everything on my own. My husband frequently wants to go to the gym or play badminton, leaving me responsible for feeding the baby, changing diapers, putting the baby to sleep, and handling most of the other daily responsibilities.
I completely understand that having personal time, hobbies, and staying active is important. However, I feel that with a baby at home, our priorities and routines need to change, at least for a while.
I’ve communicated my feelings to my husband multiple times and asked him to prioritize our baby and share the responsibilities with me. Unfortunately, I haven’t seen much change, and it’s becoming physically and emotionally exhausting to manage everything alone.
I don’t want to stop him from enjoying his hobbies, but I also need support, personal time, and an equal partner in parenting.
I’m genuinely looking for advice from other parents or couples who have experienced something similar. How did you find a balance? How can I help my husband understand my perspective, and are there things I should approach differently?
I’m open to any suggestions because I really want us to work through this together rather than letting it affect our relationship.
4
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