Feeling like a single mom when you're not

Definitely not normal (although it’s more common than it should be). It’s totally not fair.

I know I was very clear with my husband before we even got married with my expectations about starting a family. I watched my sister be a single married mother and knew I needed more.

Early postpartum I was very explicit with the mental load that I was naturally carrying. I had to break things down for him, what I packed in the diaper bag, how I’m constantly thinking about nursing or pumping, his nap schedule, etc. It took my husband a bit but he caught on. And I would argue that I’m not the default parent anymore.

But my husband was receptive and open to my feedback. He wanted to make me happy and help out. He wants to be a good husband and father. He never pushed back, never complained, never gaslit me or turned it around on me. Never made me feel inadequate or useless. Idk what to do if your partner isn’t willing to put the work in. Or see that their current efforts aren’t enough..

Same my husband will cook and wash up on his 3 days off but that is pretty much it. Im still up in the night breastfeeding our 3rd baby too so im shattered

The term is married single moms. Unfortunately it is very common although very unfair. For years I have thought about just doing like a reverse "lavender marriage" 2 single moms move in together, raise their kids together, and shit even marry eachother in case anything happens to the other everything is protected.

I'm also bisexual too, so ya know, it will have its other advantages ✂️ 🤣

This is not normal. My husband would NEVER allow me to walk alone. He's always told me how my job is harder.. when clearly that isnt true, he's a deisal mechanic. He takes out the trash. Tries to be involved in anything he can be with the kids. He tries to make all the therapy appointments his stepson has (ASD). Do I do all of the cooking and cleaning? Most days, gladly. Because im treated with respect and adoration. On my weak days he picks up the slack without any issue. Sometimes he even stays up after getting off work (night shift) to take the kids to school so I dont have to.. then brings me home a coffee. Don't settle for less than you deserve. You are not being treated fairly, he's taking advantage of you.

I feel that way all the time. Mine is disabled. He has end stage kidney failure. Has dialysis 3x a week plus he works. I know he feels like crap after dialysis and I don't hold that against him. But he could help more even with all his health issues. It feels so lonely.

Not normal, but common. You’re not alone. Sending much love