My partner is ALWAYS asking if I'm cheating.

Y'all, I've been with my partner for about 6 months now and he asks me every. single. day. if I'm cheating or doing anything behind his back. I never have, I've literally never cheated on a single person, yet he's convinced I am. He even says randomly "I'm actually pretty sure you're cheating on me, like I'm positive."

I really don't know what to do, you guys. I want to reassure him and I want him to know that he can come to me any time with his concerns, but it's all the time and it's always the same and I always say the same thing. I need some real advice.. please.

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honestly. That’s a personal problem he has within himself. he’s probably cheating and trying to reverse it on you so you won’t know. there’s only so much you can take of that person accusing you. personally i would leave. that’s unnecessary stress to deal with .. when there’s someone out there that will trust you and communicate their feelings and not accuse!! I’m sorry you’re going thru that! You deserve better

he has a LOT of past trauma with this. That's why I'm trying to really help him and stick it out because he's an amazing father and an amazing partner (when he's not in his head and feeling insecure). I really love him and I really want to make us work but lately every time he asks it just feels like a punch in the gut

I agree with safia and Niala. My husband used to ask me this in the beginning of our relationship because we were both in the military and stationed in different countries and there is a lot of cheating period in most military relationships we saw. He didn’t ask me daily but the few times he would ask I would look him in the eye and say. “ I never have cheated and I don’t plan on it now. I have never given you a reason to doubt me. If you think I’m cheating you can leave or believe me because I haven’t done anything and if you don’t trust me we can’t have a functional and healthy relationship.”

I like this but I'm scared to give him the ultimatum of "trust me or leave me" because I don't want him to feel like he can't come to me with his feelings.

🚩🚩🚩🚩

There’s a different between healthy conversations about his feelings and accusations. But if you are having a healthy convo about feelings then ask him what actions of yours make him feel that way and give him logical justification for those actions or work on them if necessary

Thank you guys. We're gonna have a talk tonight about that difference between accusing and discussing. Fingers crossed we can get through this

If you’re on Instagram follow an account called lalalaletmeexplain.
She will unpick all the questions you have around men and their insecurities. She changed my life for the better as soon as I started following her. Her advice and knowledge is amazing on men and their red flags

Could either be severe attachment anxiety, looking for a way out, or projecting. Either way communication helps. Try to ease him mind by letting him know small details throughout the day

It doesn't stop. Not even after 16 years. It will sneak into every argument.
What would happen if you turned it around and accused him every day for as long as you can until he breaks down and listens to your feelings or leaves?

I appreciate you all for the advice. We had a really big conversation last night, and.. it was hard for him to take any kind of accountability for his actions. I poured his drink wrong and he got visually upset with me for it, told me he asked me 3 times and I still got it wrong. This was before we could even talk about the jealousy thing..

He really showed his true colors last night. We're on a break for right now while he sorts out his anger and trust issues. I told him he needs to start seeing a therapist before we try again. He's been receptive, not sure if it's just to keep me around longer or if it's because he genuinely wants to be better for his family, but he agreed to my conditions and is going to work harder to figure his shit out.

We've agreed to stay monogamous during this break and focus only on ourselves. He lost his boyfriend privileges for a while and won't be able to spend the night or borrow my car until he takes actual steps toward bettering his mental health.

This is his last chance.

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

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Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.