Struggling deeply with stress around MIL

If they do come just make sure all the boundaries above be mentioned by your partner because it’s his side of the family and he needs to help talk to them and not make you out to be the bad guy when doing it if possible. I honestly kind of understand them wanting to visit their first grandchild because that’s a major event in a grandparents life too, the family just wants to show love and excitement but there isn’t any reason they shouldn’t be able to do this respectfully after giving birth

I’d say you don’t want to commit to anything because you don’t know how you feel. Tell them you do know though that visitors will be welcome for a few hours only as you need the first month to get into your breastfeeding routine. As a first time mum you may not be aware that sometimes your baby can be on your nipple for hours at a time to cluster feed. This is necessary to get your supply up. You also need to be relaxed as stress will stop your milk coming in. The last thing you want is someone in your house all day and not respecting you. People get a short few minutes good with your baby in the first month if you feel comfortable and apart from that it’s all you. Not even Dad will get them so much as they need to be skin on skin with you and the feeding. You could use your midwife as an excuse if you have to and say this is what you have been instructed you need to do. If she goes on then tell her you are sorry she feels that way but you are only doing what is best for you and baby

I think at 2-3 weeks postpartum you will feel ready for a visit & it will be nice for MIL to see the baby while they’re still little, they change so much in those first weeks. I think you just need to set the other boundaries first aka - ensure she knows you will be trying to breastfeed & that you want your baby back when they are upset to comfort them. She probably will be interested in meeting her grandchild & want to soak up the cuddles, especially since she lives so far away.

But I think as long as she is aware of your boundaries it won’t affect your healing & postpartum period. & since she lives a two-day drive away, it isn’t something that can be done spontaneously, that is a trip that does need to be planned because it’s such a long journey and around busy Christmas time. If she’s in a hotel she doesn’t need to be at your home for long periods of time.

My MIL tried to insist on coming to the hospital the day after my (evening!) birth and I had an emergency c speri

I would highly suggest wearing your baby in a sling. That will send out the message without being aggressive. If she still tries to paw at baby you can tell her to fuck off out of your personal space ... Do they know the due date? If not lie about it!! Xx

We told everyone that the first month it will only be our family of 3 (both sets live in different countries than us).
My mil came at 28 days instead of the full month (for just a couple of days though) and I am still annoyed at this almost 2 years later. I accepted it because I understood that weekend was the only time she could have travelled.
You should focus on your baby, your new family, on your recovery and on understanding who you and your partner are as parents.
If mil still comes, make sure you communicate that she should take each day at a time and not create any set expectations.
You could also make a list of things you want to ask your mil to support with, perhaps balance a few house chores and baby things so she feels included in everything. However, it is not your job to manage her feelings, her time or anything during this period. I would say it is her son’s job but he should also just focus on you, the baby and your family of 3.

I would take the first month if you can. That time is precious and you’ll want that with your little family. We never got this (even though it’s what we wanted due to baby being 2 weeks late) and it’s the biggest thing I wish we did differently. That time to heal and just be with baby is so valuable without the stress of visitors. They can “help” all they want, but it’s not the same as having a quiet space in my opinion!

Personally, I would suggest blaming it on COVID. I’m not afraid of Covid at all lol But with it being sick season anyway, the last thing I would want is for someone to travel in and get my entire family sick 3w after giving birth. We had a boundary of traveling visitors coming 6w or after so that Baby’s immune system could develop a bit. When people travel, they stop for food, gas, etc and see a ton of random people going through a ton of different places. Almost every time I hear of someone catching Covid (for example) it’s after traveling. So I would just use that, and if she doesn’t like it then you can stand on it being what’s best for Baby. Visitors aren’t bad at 3w in my opinion, I’m usually ready right about then to have people over, but with it being an extended stay that’s a whole other ballgame to me. As someone mentioned above though, baby wearing does help a lot in keeping people from feeling they have free access.

We agreed on 2 weeks which was fine but we didn’t have visitors we went to visit my MIL and left after 1 hour. I would definitely set boundaries and also limit visitation. You’ll be tired and healing and getting used to being a new mom. I’m a new mom 7 weeks pp and have had people over 2 times and it was stressful af. I would tell her she can come for an hour a day unless she wants to do chores lol

I was saying that anytime they come in town it’s for a minimum 3-4 days given how far they have to travel, but this time they are talking about staying the entire week after Christmas.