I don’t know what to say to my 3 year old when she reacts this way…

So my daughter is nearly 3.5 years old and will react a certain way every time she meets her grandmother / grandparents in my presence.
She will either cling to me and will not want to be put down (if I’m taking her from the car into the grandparents house). Or she will scream and shout and cry out for me even though I’m standing right next to her, whilst her grandmother will say hello to her (if she’s in the car or when we go inside).
Or will only ask mummy to do something rather than her grandmother and become very angry if not.
I’m at a loss as to why she behaves this way as her grandmother (partners mother) does A LOT! With our children, she will have them on a Monday after nursery and my daughter will have the best time with her/them (I say the grandmother more because the grandfather is still working, so he is not around day to day). But we see them on the weekends or she will babysit one evening here and there.
She is a wonderful grandmother and is devoted to our children and my daughter behaves this way when myself or her dad is around at the same time.
I can tell my MIL is very offended and I don’t know if she blames me or thinks I encourage it as I certainly don’t,
But I also don’t believe in shouting at my daughter telling her off as she is obviously very distressed in that moment.
I try to talk to her about feelings and how and what we say or do can be hurtful to others if it’s done in such a way.
But it still doesn’t seem to sink in….
I can honestly say my daughter is not being harmed in anyway in her grandmothers company when alone with her. She always looks forward to seeing her grandmother and always asks me to see her…
but as soon as we do she changes and it becomes very awkward.
I just don’t know what to do!? Or is this normal? My partner says it’s because she’s so attached to me and I use the excuse she’s a lockdown baby but he will point out so is our other friends children and they don’t behave the same…

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My sisters kids are like this. To me, it sounds like a deep bound, and although I get it's hurtful for adults, a 3.5 year old isn't going to process why and therefore shouldn't be held to an ability they don't have. It's hard and I understand but some kids are just like this and that's ok. Also it sounds like you both work. I doubt she has as much mom and dad time as she'd like compared to grandparents time. Not shaming for providing but that absence may be part of the extreme reaction.

My baby boy is just like this towards my MIL but maybe it’s just a stranger danger situation but it’s confusing because he will go to other people right in front of her. She seems so offended and I feel bad. I used to hate my MIL though, can babies sense that? lol. I’m cool with her now, we’ve moved past most of our issues. No advice. I’m also baffled by this.

no I am a stay at home mum and she has plenty of mummy time. She only goes to nursery 2 days just so she can get some other children interaction.

Maybe try to make a game. Change roles. She is the grandma you are the kid. Ask what they do? Maybe there is some fear. And babies are emphatic. Don't push 💕 ask how you can help your girl. What she needs. Validate her 💕 good luck

Is it possible that she is feeling "forced" to say hi, and hug them etc? If she's shy at first, maybe everyone just needs to back off of her until she warms up on her own time.

I know when my son gets clingy with other people, it's just because he's shy, and as soon as I start to tell him to say hello, or to stop being rude - he gets more clingy and upset. So I just started telling people to give him time to warm up and eventually he does when everyone stops trying..

Children are automatically attached to their parents specifically mom. You are her comfort and security and so on so maybe she just clings to u for validation that grandma is ok in other situations aside from just one on one time with her. If that makes sense. Sometimes also when multiple people are around at once(even if it's people they r around or know well) it can be overestimating to small children. My son was like that when he was around the same age like he was around me often and also my mom(his grandmother) and he loved seeing her and asking about her calling her etc and also with me. But then if me his dad my mom and my dad were all together sometimes he'd get clingy. It's most likely overstimulation of people which is common at that age.

yes it’s a good point. she is shy especially when there are lots of people.
I think MIl takes it too personally like it’s an attack on her and her only but she does this to anyone until she warms up.

yes this could be it! As usually when we arrive my Mil will pounce on them before they are ready to be part from us (even if we are staying there for lunch or something). She definitely clings onto me when we arrive.

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