Is it rude to not invite my brothers girlfriends to my wedding?

My fiancé and I have been together for 13 years and we have two young children.

We had a wedding planned during Covid which was going to be like 100+ people but soon realised it wasn’t our thing. We now want something very small, i did want it to be just me and my partner but my parents would be upset so we have settled for just blood relations of people in our life.

We have worked out including children and myself and partner it is 20 people. But I have not accounted for my brothers girlfriends. One of my brothers has been with his partner for 3 years and they live together and the other one for less than 1 year.

My issue is that I’m really not close to either of them. It’s always me making any sort of effort and the one that has been with my brother longest is even worse. She never shows up to anything, if she does she leaves early. She doesn’t ever come for my birthday as it’s also her dogs birthday. She’s just not part of the family in my opinion. My parents don’t agree and say she has to come.

I’m just sick of trying to please everyone and just want the people I truly care about.

Am I in the wrong?

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we are doing a dinner afterwards yeah. It’s not going to be a traditional wedding, no big party just a dinner with everyone

Sod what your parents say - it’s YOUR wedding, you invite who you and your husband want!

Side note: LOL at celebrating the dog’s birthday 😄

Personally I'd invite them if you can afford to. How would you feel if you weren't invited to their wedding? If you'd be alright with it then maybe it's ok if that's how your family dynamics are but that wouldn't fly in my family. I didn't invite plenty of family members to my wedding but a siblings spouse feels too close to deny.

Yes it’s weird as they’ve even together for 3+1 year . Not a few months x

I think with how small your wedding is it’s fair for you to not invite her! If I was having such a small intimate wedding the people there would be people I was very very close with! If it was a 100+ people wedding then it would be a bit tight to not invite her but I think you can get away with it!

I would let your brothers bring a plus one and make them RSVP and let you know if they are bringing someone so you can plan the dinner. If you make a point of excluding the girlfriends it might cause drama for your wedding.

Me personally if one of my siblings excluded my boyfriend from a family event, I wouldn’t go myself. My boyfriend is my partner and that would make me feel like he’s not accepted or welcomed around my family.

My half sister was actually told by her mother her husband isn’t allowed at her houses on holidays and my sister hasn’t spoken to her in 2 years because of it.

Definitely also something to consider.

“She doesn’t ever come to my birthday because it’s also her dog’s birthday.”

I couldn’t help laughing at this. That’s some stone cold shit right there.

I say invite them anyway to keep the peace but sit them by the toilets.

It is rude… I’d invite her, up to her if she comes or not…. But you risk offending your brother and him not going and you’d always be the one that didn’t invite her to your wedding in the years to come… not worth the fall out

We did this! We had a really small wedding only 15 of us and didn’t invite my Auntie and her kids we had a huge falling out and 3 years later we still don’t talk because of it.
So I would say it is your day and do what YOU want but just be prepared for a backlash x

I’d personally let them bring their girlfriends. They have been together in my opinion for a decent amount of time - it isn’t like your brothers are wanting to just take a booty call with them. If they show up great if not that’s fine too. But I’d personally just keep the peace and allow them to come. It honestly isn’t hurting anyone if they do come. What if they one day become wives to your brothers? Would that change anything? They seem like they may be important to your brothers. You shouldn’t make them choose between you or their partners - because that is what not inviting them will do.

wow that’s crazy. What was your reason for not inviting them?

We wanted to have a small wedding to keep the cost down as we was still saving for a house deposit so we decided to just invite parents and my siblings (husband doesn’t have any) I never wanted a huge wedding and I don’t regret a thing tbh x

I wish someone would have told me this. It’s YOUR wedding. It’s your special day that you will remember forever. It should be exactly as you want it. I always wanted a small, intimate ceremony, but got talked into (by parents on both sides) a large wedding, nearly 250 guests. Not at all what I had envisioned and honestly it cheapened it for me. I wish we would have saved ourselves the headache and drama and just had a courthouse wedding 😕 It’s been six years. I’ve grown a backbone since then, but I still regret not sticking to the wedding I wanted

Do you want your brothers at your wedding? Because if you don't invite their partners they may not come, and it might have an impact on your relationship with your family.

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