Exclusive kids at the indoor playground
Being a parent is so tough when you see your kiddo’s heart being hurt. Today I took my 2.5 year old toddler to an indoor playground. She had an absolute blast for most of the visit! But towards the end of our time an unfortunate situation developed. In the playground there was an alcove area more set up for toddlers than older kids, which had a lot of soft large blocks and cushions and some smaller slides. In this area of the playground there was a little room/nook under and between the 2 slides, kind of like a room with roped walls and just one door. There were some older kids inside hoarding all the cushions and blocks and calling it their fort. They refused to let other kids use the cushions or blocks. My toddler really wanted to go in the room and check it out as well as interact with the other kids. The first time she went in I could see the oldest of the kids inside talking to her and then gesturing to her and she got out of the room. I could see her face was sad and upset. I asked her what the kid told her but she wouldn’t say. She ran around a bit and went down the slides. Then later tried to come back to the room again but went out immediately. Ran around a bit and a third time just stood outside of the room looking in through the ropes. One of the kids inside was just lounging on some cushions next to the rope wall there and I could tell they said something to my toddler when they saw her looking in, because my toddler then walked away again with a sad face and laid down on the cushioned stairs going up to the slide, hiding her face and closing her eyes. I asked her again what happened and what the kids said to her. She told me that they said “to get out of there” so she just was “feeling sad and sleepy here”. It utterly broke my heart. My toddler was so hurt that these kids were being exclusive and telling her to get out. The vibe was definitely that of an “in group” “clubhouse” kind of thing. These kids were also easily ages 5-8 mostly and one kid was much bigger, at least 10 or maybe 11 I’d guess. I listened to my toddler and validated her feelings and said “that must feel so sad and unfair. I’m sorry this happened. That must have hurt your heart.” I must admit I was feeling pretty triggered by these kids being exclusive of my toddler and hoarding all these items, especially when they were in an area more designed for the younger toddlers in the first place. I calmed myself and took a moment. But I did decide to call into them in the room and say “hey guys, I want to mention that it’s not cool to be telling other kids to “get out” especially younger ones. This playground is for everybody to use. These spaces are for everybody to play.” They said “kids keep stealing our blocks and bringing them to the other side of the playground where they aren’t allowed.” And I told them “you’re right, the blocks aren’t allowed over there. But, the playground spaces are for everyone and it’s not cool to tell people to “get out””. Of course they didn’t change their behavior or invite my toddler in; but for myself I felt like I had to say something. I definitely didn’t have any authority or ability to change the behavior of the other kids but I didn’t want to leave the situation unaddressed. I also never saw the parents of these kids around or paying attention to the situation at all. Just totally hands off, otherwise it could’ve been a teaching opportunity by them. We left shortly after this situation.
When we were talking at the car as I got her into her car seat, I told my daughter that I was so proud of her for the way she handled the situation. For being kind and making smart choices and I was so sorry that the situation happened. When asked about the day she said “those kids were not good and it was not fun”. It hurt so much to hear how hard it was on her because she’d been loving the playground up until she was excluded. I told her “sometimes people make the choice to be unkind and sometimes people don’t like us and that’s so hard” to validate her experience. She asked me repeatedly driving home “why are you proud of me” and I repeatedly told her “because when something really hard happened you made some smart choices. You went to a spot where you could have some quiet time to rest and be safe, you took deep breathes, you talked to someone you trust (mama) about what happened so I could listen and support you, you chose to be kind even when other people weren’t. We can’t control or force other people to do things or like us, but we can control ourselves and take care of ourselves when we feel bad. I’m so honored you talked to me about it” etc on repeat. She asked me again and again why I was proud.
I don’t know if this was the best way to handle it all. I found myself being triggered internally and struggling to find the right words. I let her know that I love her, and she deserves respect and belongs anywhere.
If anyone has any feedback on the situation, suggestions on how to process this incident going forward, or other ideas about how to handle a situation like this if one should arise again in future I’d really love input. I hate seeing kids gang up on each other or hoard resources/toys. I hate seeing these nasty behaviors play out and perpetuate cycles or hurt.
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I hear what you’re getting at here. To clarify, I didn’t continue to bring it up at all. I never pushed to repeat the conversation.
My toddler kept asking me about why I was proud and about the situation repeatedly every few minutes all on her own the entire ride home. Then later tonight after we’d been home, she’d had a nap, and we were having dinner we were talking about the day. I brought up that we got to play a lot and how she went down the slides and had fun doing that. She immediately brought up that “there were kids who were no good” and said she didn’t have fun.
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