SAHM / SAHW

I am currently in a relationship working towards marriage and my bf doesn’t think I am doing the duties I need to become a wife so any pointers or tips from stay at home moms and or wives that will help me get into that mindset would be much appreciated.

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Run. Idk your whole situation but that sounds manipulative.

sometimes I don’t clean up the house while he’s at work and sometimes I’m just too tired to be intimate those are the main things

lol stop. This man sucks.

that’s a good idea I think a big part of it is post partum and he just doesn’t understand that and on top of that I’m bipolar 1

especially for sex. Theres no way that's healthy

he’s a very sexual person and I’ve never been overly sexual due to how I was raised so I think that’s where the misunderstandings come into play

I agree with try therapy. Because the fact that he's not understanding on his own that PPD and bipolar disorder(which I assume he has been aware of for quite some time now) can be overwhelming on top of adjusting to take care of a new small human, he needs someone to help him out. I suffer with neither and it's still overwhelming and I would lose all my marbles if my husband saw all that I have to do with our daughter and he complained about the house not being cleaned or having sex as much. I don't think that some men understand that a mothers sex drive can be killed by not providing even the smallest amount of help with taking care of a new baby and trying to maintain the house. We are not robots and ours homes are not museums, they'll look messy and lived in from time to time. (Apologies for the small rant😬 my SO also complains about cleaning and sex but if he's not helping with our EXTREMELY active toddler, I'm too tired and it's a turn off☺️

Um...well you need to both agree to the "duties" and who is going to be doing what. Do you have kids with this person? Have u been to therapy?
A healthy third party will spot out his behavior and call it out. He needs to focus on what HIS duties are to your whole family as a husband and father and make sure you agree to them?

exactly!!

thank you

I have a personal therapist and she has agreed to do couples counseling as well she’s just very busy

How old is your boyfriend? You seem young

I’m 21 he is 34 I’ll be 22 in April and he will be 35 in May

the thing is he is raising someone else’s child so he does more than he needs to actually

on top of his 2 children

No no no no no. If he had no intentions or felt you didn’t fit those guidelines to be wifey material from the jump… WHY THE FUCK HE HAVE A BABY WITH YOU LET ALONE BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU?! What is he doing with you anyway? He’s 34 you’re 21. Has he ever told you about his past relationships and why they didn’t work? Don’t get me wrong I’m not married but the sounds of it he’s already made up his mind and knows what he wants.

Do you. But don’t let anyone tell you you’re not enough!

I’m kind of offended for you. Not gonna lie

yeah I think that’s the issue. He got a young girl pregnant and now holding marriage over your head and making it as through you need to earn that title through housework and pleasing him. He wouldn’t try this with a woman his own age. Genuinely think he’s trash and you’d be better off tbh

yea we have in depth convos all the time and he’s with me because we fell in love the age thing isn’t an issue

he thinks he’s always the initiator and he’s partially right sometimes I do need a nudge

it’s not his child

why do you want to marry him?

girlllll go and find you and establish yourself because he clearly thinks you need him.

if he fell in love with you he wouldn’t expect more from you

because of his character and he makes me laugh when I’m sad also because I love him

All of that will still be true if you don't get married right away though. Plenty of people here are telling you to leave this man, so I'm not gonna say that. But I will tell you this, if he really felt like he was ready to be married to propose, he would. And "not enough housework/sex" are not good enough reasons not to marry someone he really wants to marry. Does that make sense?

Gross. Step 1: find a man who respects you as a person instead of a man who is looking for a bang maid

bang maid 🤭

If he had a baby with you but makes up excuses on reasons not to marry you then he don’t want to marry you and he’s still searching for his wife leave while you can sis he will never settle with you

I might have misread a comment but I don't think he's her baby's father

it’s not his baby which makes it even more sus

Also your son is only 2 months old so how long have you guys been together if he it isn’t his child?

so he reallyyyy ain’t ready for no commitment with her

we’ve been together for 8 months

I found out I was pregnant at 20 weeks after we started dating

8 months 😫 babe you don't need to be talking about marriage with this man. Give it time

you don’t see any red flags? Not saying that no man would date a pregnant woman, but it seems like the perfect opportunity to play supportive partner and control you.

to be so real, leave him.

Some men want the milk without buying the cow. Has he stepped up and is he being the "perfect husband" material? Does he give/show you everything you expect from a future husband? Or is he just crippling you from being independent while taking care of him like his momma and making you think you need him and that you're not good enough? If someone really loves you, they don't need more from you to marry you.

he’s stepped up tremendously

booooooooo👎 your just convenient for him. No disrespect but you had to have known postin on here was gonna get you some criticism. I wish you well. Survey says yall not for each other.

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.