drama.

Hi guys, I’m feeling low as me and my daughters dad have recently split, my father told me to put through to child maintenance as my partner told me we was done and my bd has gone through the roof about it.

As you know we only get half of what they get the maternity and it’s absolutely shocking, I own my own home and pay my own bills and I will always sacrifice everything and im a selfless person and will put every ounce of money I have for my daughter etc, anyways; I had to pay half of everything and he wouldn’t even pay full for her while he’s out being the bread winner and I have to sacrifice all my money along paying for my own food and bills while he squirrels away any money he had to help pay for nappies etc.

He’s currently in a piss telling me that he won’t get back with me unless I remove the maintenance and that it’s a pisstake after he told me and my mother time again he was done with me.
I feel as though he doesn’t want to pay but either way he was going too, he never asks if I need anything or offers, I felt as though maintenance as the way to go but it’s caused a massive uproar and he isn’t happy that maint will have to pay me 50 a week by the looks of it and admitted to me he won’t be working anymore overtime due to them taking a % of his pay (that’s his choice not to do overtime Idc about that). But I have no idea on words to say, I’m stupid enough to sleep with him still which I should stop and I will.
He sees the baby over my house everyday.
I’m not in a comfortable mind to let him have the baby alone as she 5 months and gets separation anxiety, he can be super forgetful and I fear he won’t bring her back home to me along side the got French bull dog that fights with his other dog and also his French bulldog is aggressive and possessive over him and the house, that’s another reason I don’t feel comfortable him taking her up there, he can open the doors to the stairs and growls at the baby also.. but he tells me that the dog doesn’t when I’ve witnessed this. I’ve also explained I only got to baby group with other mothers and home…

I’m just stuck where to go with the maintenance situation, he can be vile to me saying; if you don’t remove it I don’t want you, then 5 seconds later saying don’t remove it, I. Don’t fucking want you etc.. then he’ll make me feel like shit for days on end and go on and on and on about it.

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Don't remove the maintenance u need to remove him all together from ur life. He is trying to manipulate u into removing it so he can run off n not have to pay anything be strong for u n baby girl mama u got this u don't need him around cuz thats technically verbal abuse n emotional abuse cuz he knows u love him n can get away with the bs

I try my hardest every single day, even to allow him in my house to have her here and spend time, feed her, play games with her; go on walks together in a civil way..
I do believe his mother says things, told me he would take me to mediation to have the baby etc.

I wasn’t able to eat for 4 days and then he makes me feel like utter shit, my friend see right through him. I don’t want a constant warzone for my child to see; it’s unfair.

I was there with my oldest n his dad wen my son got to 9 I went n switched custody n it didn't change anything now im tryna get my son back because he will not follow the orders we put in place so now I been paying support for my son n dont get to see him at all n worst we are in 2 different states now

He sounds bipolar or some kinda personality problem. Do what’s best for you and the baby. And be careful having someone like that around you and your home. He is showing you who he is believe him.

some days he’s fine with me and other times he’s not. He loves her dearly but he just can’t get it into his head that it costs money for a baby, he wants half the money off me everytime to pay with him and he will even watch me buy things for the baby and won’t even offer to pay for it or buy her anything etc.

Sounds like u may have to force his hand with court for support hate to say it

I’m guessing you’re in another country than USA?

That’s not a lot of money, $50 a week

uk based

that’s why I’ve gone for child maintenance but obviously he’s livid with it.

in any country that can't be enough for anything n he bitching for that

Boundaries.

Get your child maintenance. Fuck his tantrums.
Stop the sex.
Stop the seeing the child everyday at your home (and bloody MASSIVE congrats on owning your own home that’s bloody amazing)
Your home is now YOURS and YOUR BABIES. Not his. That’s your safe space so you protect it.
Sounds like he’s very insecure and you’re actually the really strong one. His little fits will be about nothing but putting you down to make you do as he wants you to. Nahhhh you sound incredibly well put together despite being emotionally manipulated.
I think with the right support from your friends to help you stay away from him and let the feelings die down enough for you to see the shittiness with clear eyes you’re going to absolutely flourish.
If he doesn’t want you because you’re making him provide for his child then go ahead mate. Find another woman to suck dry.

And no court would order your baby to be away from you either so if he threatens that you can laugh xxx

Well said girlie that part rite there listen to her above me

he’s a smiling assassin as I call him! Wolf in sheep’s clothing! He does it all over FaceTime, I’m trying to gain more evidence just incase.

He doesn’t like the fact I don’t trust him to take the baby alone or without me. He’s told me I have a victim complex also and many other things, then next minute feeling me he loves me but wants things to change and for me to losen the reigns. He’s tried to get information out of me by asking what foods and shows she likes etc but I won’t give in. I’m 26, it’s my first baby and I didn’t enjoy pregnancy either bc of him too, it was ruined. He up and left em when I was pregnant bc he could stand my natal depression so he left to go to his mums and then tried to come bsck.
He also tells me I did it out of spite not giving our child his last name too

Yeahhhh sounds like most your troubles are caused by him.
If you’re in the U.K. you can refuse contact except through text or email. This will give you consistent proof you can use in court. No more phone calls.
Do not engage in conversation about anything but your child. Give him no information about you or your life. It’s called grey rocking or stone walling. You can look it up. It works a dream. If he wants to see his child he will need set days and times you agree to in a neutral environment like a cafe going forward. That’s it.
Stop worrying yourself trying to make him be a parent and accommodating him. He needs to learn to do it all himself.
Get your money. And begin to live for yourself and your bub. Xxx

correct that’s what I said

Don't remove the maintenance.. he'll get used to it and budget around it. He's just upset that he now has responsibilities..

agreed. He is just being spiteful when he says he will seek full custody. No way would he and his mother want the full financial and time expense of having the kid full time.

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