Sd birthday.

So tomorrow is my sd birthday she is non verbal autistic and has a limited understanding we live nearly an hour away from my partners kids and my partner has decided we (us and kids) are going to kids bio mums house after school which i have done and can take 2 hours in traffic. Now i have tried to explain that it's our weekend this week so we can give presents/do something on the weekend as she doesn't understand. He's put his foot down, saying we are going as he wants to see her on her birthday.

The reason I have said this is because the last 2 time we have done this the bio mum makes it so awkward she standing there,doesn't make convo almost like she just wants us to hurry up and get out.

Am I wrong in saying we should just wait till the weekend to do presents ect?

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Not wrong at all. I understand dad wanting to see her on her birthday. But we always celebrate the weekend we have SS that is closest to his birthday. You’re gonna have tired kids after school, traffic and you’ll need to factor in having dinner too. Maybe dad just goes alone?

@Anais this is my point, and the thing is he is self-employed, so he never knows what time he's going to really finish work. If I'm honest, I don't want to be going there Late bio doesn't even want us there, so I feel like he's forcing the agenda

If he’s self employed he could just go in the morning and have a late start🤣 definitely forcing it. Set some boundaries put your foot down x

I get the awkwardness is off putting, I would hate it. But imagine not seeing your little one on their birthday. I would hate that even more. I would just go, even if she doesn't fully understand, your partner does. If you don't want to go tell him he can go on his own and you will celebrate on the weekend

@Anais not that simple he is literally booked up all week and she is going to be 12 so she is at school @Tasha we agreed last year as she wanted to argue in front of the kids so we agreed to celebrate when we are all together. I get he wants to see her but we will literally be picking her up on Friday

Can dad not go on his own to see her and then u all do something together at the weekend thats what i would suggest.
I wouldnt go to bio mums house and travel that much with my kids after school but i also understand why he would want to see his daughter in her birthday

Tell him that he can go and take the kids if he wants and you will sort things around the house and cook tea for you all to eat when they’re back otherwise you’d be eating at a ridiculous hour and the next day would be ruined for your own children etc. It’s kind of a compromise that means he gets what he wants and you don’t have to feel like the awkward bystander 🤷‍♀️

in our community

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?

He has no respect for anything to do with me.

Husband and I decided to separate 3 days ago. I've been sleeping on the floor in the kids room, and we both have to stay in the same apartment for a while. He wont stop pushing little things and I am reaching my limit. Photos in comments