Feeling guilty

I have an almost 4 year old who is my absolute world. However reflecting back over the past few weeks since baby was born I’ve barely spent any quality time with him, he’s started a new preschool this week and I just feel he’s been pushed to the side with the whirlwind of having a newborn in the house and I feel so guilty about it all to the point I want to give up breastfeeding so he doesn’t have to see the baby latched to me pretty much 24/7 and I can spend some quality 1:1 time with him. Looked over at a card that says “to the bestest mummy” with a photo of him with his big cheesy smile and it broke me😞

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Bless you I have the same kinda mum guilt and have sat and cried. My son is 4 and a half and started school this week so going through big changes including having his baby sitter who is just over a week old. I’m always checking in on him and I’m just trying to get him involved where he can with the baby as I don’t want him feeling left out. He’s very hands on anyway and always wanting cuddles and kisses with his sister. I’ve found it’s made it easier trying to involve him like picking out her outfits and expressing milk so he can feed her. I do want to spend quality time with him too I appreciate you feeling the way you do it’s a big change for everyone. The reason you feel guilty shows you’re an amazing mama it will get easier for us all I hope! Sending you lots of love xx

These are the early days. I have a 4 yr old also. She’s just started school and spent a lot of time being with her dad while I’m feeding or being with baby. I just try to find small moments where I can be with her. We also try to do her bath time all 4 of us haha and her bedtime we all sit in her room & sing songs pre bed so she feels loved and sees me (albeit maybe with baby attached)

Thank you both. I know it’ll get easier with time it’s just so hard finding the balance. I mean this in the best way but I’m glad I’m not alone in feeling this way. X

No advise but I hear you. My LO has started asking for a cuddle (when I’m breast feeding baby) and will say ‘baby chair’ 🥲🥲

I just make sure I finish whatever I’ve started with my older one before picking up crying baby. Ie. Finish reading our book, quickly wrap up playing with her baby dolls etc.

It’s hard but just need to remember this is short term, and they’ll be besties before we know it.

Im crying a lot.over this. My toddler is 2 and we've spent every day of his life together where he has had my undivided attention. I feel awful for him. Not helping that baby wont be put down anywhere and is instantly screaming when I do 🫠

so hard isn’t it. It’s always just been me and him too. I think what makes me more sad is he’s so accepting and such a good big brother💔 I feel like he deserves so much more x

so so normal and you feel this because you’re a great mama :) my first are 19 months apart and I just had my third. I share a lot of solidarity and support on my insta if you’re finding things tricky :) xx @geoellenjames

in our community

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?