Anyone Asexual?

He needs to understand if you aren’t enjoying it, that’s crossing a certain line.

You should not force yourself to like sex when your body is closed off to it. That will backfire on you mentally very fast.

Say no, and tell him this. It is what it is. If he makes it a big issue, that’s wrong. He has a hand, it’s that simple. You’re ready when and if you’re ready. If he loves you, he won’t coerce you

I think it’s ok to be like this , don’t beat yourself up for it. Men’s ego gets bruised when u deny them sex, he is your husband and you are supposed to compromise and satisfy each others needs and that’s him understanding if you don’t want to do it and you also acknowledging that he is a married man and you cnt expect him to be ok with going months without sex. I think you need to keep reassure him all the time and explain to him how you feel and maybe see a therapist together, it may help him understand you better. You are ok the way you are dear .

Ah the dreaded dead bedroom. It's highly recommended during phases of low libido that you schedule sex. You and your husband come up with an agreed upon schedule and make sure you stick to it. Make it fun too like incorporate role play, games, sex toys, different positions etc etc. The more you do it, the more it helps kick start your libido.

Also see a sex therapist. Ain't no shame in it and you don't need a past history of trauma for them to be beneficial. They can better help you pinpoint the cause for the low libido.

What you can't do is simply tell your husband to just cope or get over it. He's human and sexual desire is only natural. Some men will stray eventually if the problem is not addressed. Good luck OP, rooting for you!

It is very reassuring to hear someone else who struggles with this. Reading your post, I felt I was reading about myself! This was something my husband and I struggled with. His libido is through the roof whereas mine barely gets in the door. He’s actually the one who helped me figure out that I am asexual. I enjoy sex once I’m in it, I just don’t think about it or really get aroused without help. My husband and I talked about it for a long time. That’s the key, he needs to be on board with finding a solution that works for both of you, not just complaining that you aren’t meeting HIS needs.
My husband and I have a ‘consensual non-consent’ type deal in place. He is free to start anything whenever he wants and I have a safe word to use if I am not down for it. It doesn’t matter where we are in the process, I say the word and he stops. (More below, hit character limit)

I don’t know if this is gonna help. It doesn’t seem like it seems like more of a physical thing. How did you two meet???
Were you sexually active often when you first got together? There’s a reason to marry you I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself have you ever had the big O with him like a real big O cause your body should wanna crave that

We also have a lot of different toys for both me and him. I am able/happy to help him along if I don’t feel like participating. This also only works because I am genuinely happy to help. That is another key thing, you both need to enjoy whatever the agreement is. I don’t always get a sexual pleasure out of it, it’s more a sense of contentment/pride lol. Main things is to be open to different ideas/ways to give each other pleasure. It’ll take time, it took my husband and I about a year to find a decent rhythm that being said, we are still working out details. We are constantly trying new things and exploring. You just need to have open and honest communication without guilt or blame. It’s you two vs the situation, not you vs him. I’m here for a chat if you need anything! YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. ❤️

Maybe you need to go down some new rabbit holes and see if maybe you can strengthen your labido in privacy??? Might help wake up that side if you have been in a routine of identifying as asexual in your marriage. Neuroplasticity will help strengthen those parts of your mind and help you find out what you want. Just a suggestion! 😊