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By Grace, Through Motherhood

31, married with a child, career gap and visa concerns feeling lost and need advice

Hi everyone, please I really need honest advice.

I’m 31 years old and I feel very lost right now. I don’t know what the right step is anymore, and everything in my life feels uncertain at the same time.

I’m in a marriage where I don’t feel emotionally secure or supported. There is little to no affection, communication is poor, and most of the time I feel ignored or dismissed. When I try to talk, I feel unheard. Some days things seem okay and it gives me hope, but it doesn’t last, and I go back to feeling alone again. It honestly feels like I’m constantly asking for the bare minimum in the marriage, and it’s very draining.

We have a young daughter, and she is my biggest priority in all of this.

I’m currently on a dependent visa, and we are both due for ILR next year, so I’m very worried about making any decision that could affect my immigration status or my child’s stability.

Career-wise, I’m a medical doctor, but I’ve had a 3-year clinical gap. During that time, I was preparing for PLAB, had my pregnancy and maternity period, and also unfortunately had a fracture which required surgery and a long rehabilitation period. All of this delayed my progress.

I eventually completed my PLAB process in 2024, and the plan was to get a job. However, it was very difficult to secure a role in my city, and jobs in other cities were far away. As immigrants without strong support systems, childcare and relocation costs made that very difficult.

So as a family, we decided it would be better for me to focus on the MSRA exam and aim for training in the same location instead of relocating for a non-training job. Unfortunately, my first attempt didn’t go well. On a later attempt, I scored very high, but due to prioritisation, I still did not get a placement. So at the moment, I don’t have a job yet, and this has added to my feeling of being stuck and unsure of what to do next.

Another issue is that we had plans to buy a house together. The total deposit would be around £30,000, with him contributing about £20,000 and me contributing about £10,000, and even part of my contribution was supported by him. Now, with the state of the marriage, I’m very unsure if this is a wise step or if it could complicate things further for me.

So right now, everything feels uncertain at once. My marriage, my career, my finances, and even my stability in this country.

I honestly don’t know what the best next step is.

Should I focus on getting a job first and becoming financially stable before making any major decisions? Is it wiser to stay for now because of my visa and my child, or start planning to leave? And regarding the house, is it wise to go ahead with buying a property together in this situation, or should I wait?

I’ve also thought about other options like preparing for USMLE, but with everything going on, I feel mentally overwhelmed and don’t even know where to start.

I would really appreciate honest and practical advice from anyone who has experienced something similar or has wisdom to share. Thank you so much.