Husbands comments cut deep
I'm really hurt by something that happened tonight and need your opinions.
My husband told me that I need to do more for our baby because he put him to sleep tonight and then I asked him to handle one overnight shift of burping and soothing him back to sleep. He told me I’m not grateful for my child and that I don’t do enough. Hearing that was upsetting because I feel like I'm already carrying the majority of the childcare and household responsibilities. I had wanted this at so badly for so long, and every second of my life revolves around him. Starting from when I got pregnant.
I'm currently on maternity leave and am with our baby all day, every day. I exclusively breastfeed, feeding him every two hours during the day and every three to four hours at night. Most of the time, I'm the one who puts him to sleep and also the one who burps him, soothes him, and puts him back down after feedings (which we all know can take a few transfers to stick). I've researched and purchased everything we own for the baby, created his nap schedule and bedtime routine, and spend my days doing activities with him to support his development. He has no idea how many hours of sleep he even needs during the day or night or how many naps it should be split into, let alone what milestones he should be hitting or what activities promote his development towards those milestones. I also handle the bedtime routine, including bathing, massage, and singing to him.
On top of that, I do essentially all of the household chores, cleaning, laundry, cooking, taking care of our dogs. My husband's regular responsibilities are mowing the lawn and taking out the trash, and recently he started helping with bath time after I specifically asked him to because I want him to have bonding time with his son.
What hurts most is that his comments make me feel like all of the things I do every day aren't being seen or valued. I don't expect parenting to be perfectly equal, but being told I need to do more when I already feel stretched thin left me feeling unappreciated, frustrated, and honestly a little defeated.
Am I really not doing enough?
Nursery dilemma
We have been accepted into two nurseries.
Nursery A - posh, new Montessori toys, close to my place of work.
Nursery B - old school, 9miles away from my place of work (5min away from home)
Context:
- I will be returning 4 days a week (Monday to Friday)
- baby will be in nursery 4 days a week (Monday to Thursday)
- hubby - 3 days office based, and one WFH (Random days 🙄)
- nursery A £200 more expensive than nursery B
Both nurseries have great reviews with positive feedback from family and friends (we like them both, hence it is so difficult to decide which one)
FTM here, any advice is highly appreciated
