Does anyone else's mum just turn up at their house without prior warning?

My mum always does - granted she always brings cooked food etc with her but it's annoying sometimes 😒

I'll share why it's annoying:

I work a job that requires me to drive a lot & by the end of the work day, I'm all drived out & don't wana get back behind the wheel again.

She has to take 2 buses to get to mine which means when she gets to mine, I've therefore gotta drive her back home when I wasn't planning on doing anymore driving for the rest of the day.

She says that she does it cuz I don't visit her much but when I do visit her, I can't relax at her house - I've gotta pee in the dark cuz she's watching her light bill, I can't run the tap for too long etc etc

When she comes round, she finds faults etc & it's just not entirely fun when she's around.

Am I a bad daughter for being annoyed by her turning up unannounced? This has happened twice over the past few weeks🙄 I get she wants to spend time with me & her granddaughter but still... 😬I feel guilty sometimes cuz I know one day I might regret feeling like this😕

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No you are not a bad daughter. You have your own routine etc and it's not nice when that's interrupted without warning.

Also its the expectation you'll drive her home. I'd set a boundary on if you come over without warning then I won't always be free/available to drive you home.

No! You are not a bad daughter.
I'm not trying to brag, but I want you to get a sense of what a respectful mother can look like.
My mother never shows up unannounced. When she does come over, she immediately check my sink to see if there are dishes that she can wash for me.
She always asks if she can stop at the store downstairs to pick me up something before coming up.
I don't have a car so she never expects me to drive her home. No matter how many times I offer to call her a cab, she says no because she doesn't want me to waste my money and she doesn't mind taking the train or bus.

I understand the guilty feeling and appreciating her wanting to spend time, but it sounds like setting some boundaries is perfectly fine here! Is she receptive to you telling her when things bother you? Do you think she is capable of coming up with a compromise that respects your needs? If not, you may just have to be blunt and ask her to only come on certain days/times.

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