Cohabitating after ended relationship

My ex husband lives with me and my current husband. I understand the mixed emotions. I can be an ear

I did it for almost 2 years because we both didn’t want to see our baby less. The other reason was because we knew he was autistic very early on so both wanted to work hard at a routine and early interventions, he also has a rare genetic syndrome so lots of hospital visits. We didn’t know what would happen so less time wasn’t an option for either of us.

Anyway, it was probably the worst 2 years of my life and completely ruined those years of my postpartum and motherhood experience. I was depressed, anxious and a shell of myself. Constant arguing (not infront of my son), constant tension and life was just so hard.

I finally left the family home and stated again from scratch. Don’t get me wrong, it was hard. But a weight was lifted and I felt a lot lighter. It was heartbreaking not seeing my son as much as we do 50/50 nights (I see him more in terms of hours though).

Anyway, I feel like it only ever goes one way and it’s never good. It’s really not natural in my opinion!

We tried for a couple of weeks but I couldn't stop crying and it was confusing for the kids to tell them we weren't together but lived together etc
It was hard for me because he left me and I didn't agree with the split and it was left so all communication was only about the children so it was essentially like sharing a house, having dinners together, sitting together on the sofa etc but with no emotional connection, no chats, no physical contact.

If you can do it great as I now can't afford to live but it was breaking me more and more each day :(