Cleaning burnout

Does anyone else have a husband working 60+ hours a week that uses work as an excuse not to pick up after themselves?

My husband has 2 areas to maintain. The balcony and the desk since he uses those spaces the most. Both are in complete disarray. On top of that, he will not clean up after himself when doing things around the house, constantly adding to the growing list of chores. I've brought it up so many times, but he is ungrateful for what I do and will often use work and being tired as a reason he hasn't done anything. He gets to come home, eat and put our toddler to sleep, and then go to bed while I stay up and clean. On top of that, I'm trying to find the time to study, but it is nearly impossible to find a moment to do this and manage the household, and find a moment to just breathe. Even when I'm not home for a few days, I come back to a mess only he could have made. He tells me I don’t have to go to work and I am incredibly lucky I get to relax all day. Little does he know. He can't even care for our child on his own without asking me a million things 😭

I'm at my limit with this. I wish my husband would help me more and keep things tidy. Those of you that have this problem or have in the past how do you manage this if talking isn't working?

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.
Add a comment
Avatar

Make him pay for a cleaner or at least buy a floor cleaning robot or whatever that will automate your cleaning tasks.

Avatar

While I get wanting him to keep things a little tidy, 60+ hours a week is A LOT. I totally understand why he'd be burnt out too. Maybe ask him to declutter a little when he has a day off to cut down on the mess. Also second a roomba - they're very helpful

Avatar

Girl you work 24/7 his 60 hours doesn’t compare. You’re not his mom. He’s also a parent and simply just an adult. If he didn’t have you or the kid would him simply just live in a pig sty? Tell him if he can’t pick up his shit you’ll start throwing it away. You need to remind him you’re his wife and not his mother while you’re happy to help maintain the house and do XYZ you didn’t sign up to be his personal maid on top of everything else. It’s time to sit him down and have a serious talk with him.

Avatar

If his job is making him that exhausted maybe he should change jobs. It’s not worth the continuous stress on you because his lack of awareness that he could NEVER BE AS TIRED AS YOU!! You do everything for the house & kids & maintaining yourself if you even have the time?!!! Incredibly lucky my a**. This is unacceptable… I’m so sorry this is happening to you. 😭

Avatar

Yup and will be planning my exit. Unless you’re about to hire a cleaner I don’t see why u can rest but I can’t. I don’t even ask him to clean just clean up behind himself and his son and he acting like he can’t do that. Working a lot of hours doesn’t grant you to be a slob especially when I work ,go to school and take care of the babies

Read more on Peanut

Trending

in our community

How many of you SAHMs make your husbands' lunch everyday?

Does he get a sandwich plus 3 other items? Does he take care of himself? My husband's been so weird (back and forth) about this issue and I can't figure out if it's my problem or his.

Avatar

2

27

Partner/money advice

Hi everyone,

I want to put this out there to see what other mums think and whether or not I’m being mean to have these thoughts. Last night me and my partner were talking about our finances/debts and the debt we took out whilst I was on MAT leave. The conversation ended with us re jigging how we pay things and now we’re not splitting our money (which was his idea to begin with) and he said he will start to attack our debts and that means he’s chucking more of his money into our joint debts and how that’s what he’s doing for us. Am I wrong for not feeling super grateful as the reason we’re in this debt and the reason we originally put our money together is because we agreed to have a child. It feels like he’s saying oh I’m so great to our relationship because I’m paying off more of our debts - when in reality he earns over 20k more than me a year & we took out these debts on the basis of our incomes being put together?? I don’t know I just need some other opinions on this please haha

Avatar

12

Ladies, make sure you have financial backup! Always have a plan

It’s not all men but it does happen!

Hi, I’m Kate. I went through a separation almost 6 months ago after being a stay at home mom for 5 years. I have a degree in biology. I tried to get a job for two years but my ex told me no. Now that we split up, I looked for jobs for months with no one responding to my emails or applications. When employers find out I haven’t worked in 5 years, they don’t call back. The jobs who will hire me, do not pay enough to cover even half of my bills or childcare. So I’m coming on here to just remind you ladies that yes, many husbands are amazing and supportive and will take the weight. And if something happens, you will still be protected. But not all husbands or partners will do that. I’m guessing most will not. So please, if you have a partner who has never been a good provider, if your relationship is rocky. Get a job. Get a remote job. Get a side gig JUST IN CASE. I’m now relying on my little hobby-turned business to make enough money to pay bills and it is a slow slow process. Everyday is stressful. Every bill is late. I should have found remote work years ago as a backup when I knew in my heart that someday I would leave. Take care of yourselves ladies. You’re already taking the load of childcare and everything else so I know it’s a lot, but if you have any doubt at all about your relationship, make sure you have a plan! Don’t be like me

Avatar

6

10

Cleaning burnout

Does anyone else have a husband working 60+ hours a week that uses work as an excuse not to pick up after themselves?

My husband has 2 areas to maintain. The balcony and the desk since he uses those spaces the most. Both are in complete disarray. On top of that, he will not clean up after himself when doing things around the house, constantly adding to the growing list of chores. I've brought it up so many times, but he is ungrateful for what I do and will often use work and being tired as a reason he hasn't done anything. He gets to come home, eat and put our toddler to sleep, and then go to bed while I stay up and clean. On top of that, I'm trying to find the time to study, but it is nearly impossible to find a moment to do this and manage the household, and find a moment to just breathe. Even when I'm not home for a few days, I come back to a mess only he could have made. He tells me I don’t have to go to work and I am incredibly lucky I get to relax all day. Little does he know. He can't even care for our child on his own without asking me a million things 😭

I'm at my limit with this. I wish my husband would help me more and keep things tidy. Those of you that have this problem or have in the past how do you manage this if talking isn't working?

Avatar

5

Shopping

Hi what does everyone do with their baby when you need toilet in public and changing room doesn’t have a toilet. - I never know what to do with her or the pram so I just hold it..

Avatar

4

How do you survive shopping trips with a toddler? 😅🛒

Mums, how do you keep your toddlers (around 21–22 months) happy and entertained in the buggy while shopping or running errands without screens? I’m really struggling to get anything done lately! 😂 Any tips or tricks that actually work?

Avatar

10

Read more on Peanut