Am I being unreasonable?

You ain’t being unreasonable, I’m going through something related, still early preggy but he doesn’t care about my feelings he just go on with his phone all day 😌Maybe someone need to put MTN through on how to be a help mate. Sending you hugs

Not at all! He’s a parent too and should share equal parenting responsibilities. Providing / working isn’t an escape pass. If he couldn’t get up at night because “he has work the next day” - he shouldn’t be a parent really.

You are only 3 months postpartum and recovering. He didn’t have to carry a human for 9 months and didn’t have to go through the ordeal of child birth and messed up hormones. Either he isn’t aware of your sacrifices or he’s just selfish.

I had to list down everything that I do (all visible and invisible loads) in relation to our baby for my partner to realize how little he is contributing to “raising” our child. We drafted a rota schedules, send it over email to each other, and agree the next time he breaches any of it, that would be the end of the relationship and I will get sole custody of my child.

I know this sounds extreme, but we get to this point and I’m not looking back. If I have to feel like a single mother in a marriage, I would rather be real one

My heart goes out to you reading this, I can see how much emotion is in your words x

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, sounds really difficult. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all.

Even though he is working, he still has a responsibility to look after both you and baby. As you look after the house and baby all day, this is still very much a full-time job.

I hope you’re able to break through to him because that doesn’t sound healthy at all.

Sending hugs and I hope your situation improves soon🩷

P.S. maybe is there a close family member you can speak to who might be able to break through to him and help from the outside?

No you aren't being unreasonable to want more support.

My question is have you guys sat down and spoken about this? What has he said? What does he say when you say you need more support etc

You’re not being unreasonable at all! I’m sorry if this is rude but he sounds useless!! And I’m sorry you’re having to do it all alone 😢

No, you’re not being unreasonable. To offer some contrast, I don’t even have a partner, but my child’s dad is way more proactive than this. Honestly, I read these posts and think you’d get a better deal coparenting because these live in men take the piss.

My coparent uses much of his annual leave to help me out. He even bought an additional 2 weeks leave so he could take our daughter and free me up for my uni work. He does 12 hour night shifts sometimes and still cares for our daughter all day alone. He works his shifts around mine and has our daughter while I work except on one day where we use a childminder. He’s single and lives alone, so manages his household just like I have to manage my household, alone. This is a man I’ve never even had a proper relationship with, I certainly don’t like him very much and he doesn’t like me either but he’s someone’s father, so he acts like one. So no, you’re not unreasonable expecting your husband to manage his 50% share.

I remember with my first my husband thought I was just getting nice baby snuggles, going for cake dates and getting to stretch my legs for a dog walk. All he'd seen was that first couple of weeks where basically baby sleeps all the time. At 4 months I got norovirus and looking after our son for 24 hours made him sick (and at the time we were solely breastfeeding so that was fun!). He hadn't realised how hard it was and the respect for me he had after that, and the support, especially with our second, hit different.

So you are not being unreasonable, he clearly is not seeing it from your side. Would your be able to just take a day away for him to battle it himself, or even a few hours so you can rest and he can see its not all rainbows?

My husband was exactly the same. I felt like i was being taken for granted, doing everything for the house, dog, our son, him... it drove me to breaking point and I actually told him i didn't know what to do any more, I felt like i may as well do it alone and only have mine and my sons mess to clear up not his as well!
I told him how I felt. Would point out what he could do to help and it took a while but things have gotten so much better! There are still ways he could improve, but we're miles on from back then and expecting another boy early next year.

As others have said, take a day for you and leave him to it. He needs to learn to parent as well but their brains aren't wired like ours are.